Just feeling the need to blog...today was alright. had OP dry run. I love these dry runs...always gives us a lot of pointers as to how to improve on our project...got stuck at a lot of questions today, so that leaves us with the realization that we don't really know our project well enough. Unfortunately though, I couldn't make it for band because of the dry run...and after which I was doing up the project at home at my own pace. I wonder how the drumline thing went. I sure do hope they get in. And if they do, well then, that's a hell of an achievement. Half of em' got into that drumline by means of a crash course. And that's impressive.

Spent the rest of the day playing DotA...how time flies. A game takes around half an hour for me. So how many games did I play...I lost count. The sky seemed to turn dark at a glance. Won't talk about dota though. Doubt any of you guys take any interest in it anyway.

Sometimes when I sit alone I start to think. And frankly, that scares me. I start seeing people who are not there. haha. scary? The faintest idea of something you're around for long enough conjures images of that particular thing...and that's gift I'd rather not have right now. But in any case, I've to deal with it just like any other thing...but this is terribly different. It's emotional, and I for one have little control over emotions. But like anything else, emotions come and go, and in the blink of an eye I'm zapped back to the real world, realizing, for one, that dreams do come easily. Them becoming a reality is a much different thing, though. Don't think that really happens much. Don't expect them to happen to me. haha. Unless I get one of them visions we all call 'deja vu'. Wonder if anyone's got any of those. I've had quite a number of those experiences.

Mercurial is the name of the Spectre hero in DotA. I was beginning to ponder the origins of benedict's MSN nick...well now I know. Wonder if he's played it...

Here I go again...

just another sunday. People came over to visit and so mum was damn busy the whole day. cooked a lot of food, cleaned the house all the way through...what shall I talk about today...I've not much idea.

Well let's just say I've changed and I know it. I'm tired of making comparisons with people. Tired of living my life relative to other people rather than making something out of myself, for myself. Tired of standing in a corner feeling awkward rather than living the moment as I'd want to, all the time. Tired of listening to people belittle me when they themselves are nowhere near the top in their field. Why not just stop and start living for myself rather than living for other people. Seems in this cruel, unjust world, this "rational" behaviour just isn't possible. You have to bootlick your way up to the top just to realize that you're still at the bottom. You have to please people you can't even work with. It's all stupid. well I won't go to that anyway. Mine's on a much lower level.

So many things have changed and I seem to have lost inumerable things in the recent years. It just seems so sudden and so uncalled for. I'd never thought things would change the way they did. But they did...and the fucked up part is that I have to live with it, whether I like it or not. Apparently this life isn't quite cut out for me. Maybe there can be a time where I stop being myself and turn into somebody else whom I don't even recognize, just to adapt to the changes taking place. I feel I just took my first step towards that point.

ahh just forget it. Ranting about this i hardly even understand. Nobody else does, I'm pretty sure of that. It seems trying to change for a better self isn't as easy as the effort it took to say it.

Being myself is even harder when things around you seem so cold and restricted.

My stupid com is finally back up, after waiting one damn boring week for the shop in SLS to get their stock of 7900GS...yesterday mum called me to tell me that stock came in so I went to collect it. Damn, was I anxious to get back on the action! I practically ran home to install the card and get my com back up. you know what was the stupid thing about it? My motherboard didn't have onboard graphics, so without a graphic card, I could very well start it up, but I wouldn't be able to see what I'm doing cuz I can't connect it to my monitor!!!! stupid right!!!! nvm...

Yesterday I expected to get back to my games as soon as possible but I ended up laming with carmen tan instead...idiot. muahaha. Seems after a few hours of playing COD2 again I got bored. so I installed AOE3 to see what it would be like to play with everything at maximum quality =) well it wasn't that bad. But still as boring. hahaha. I need new games...I gotta borrow warcraft 3 battlechest from my classmate so I can play dota at home...I wonder if I can play with qi zheng and the band guys one day. I wanna see what they're really made of. hahahaha!

PW totally sucks man. Yesterday was some sort of OP dry run with our CT...and stupid me didn't prepare a script for myself and I screwed it up big time. hahaha. gotta work on that. especially since my com is finally up. I'll definitely do better during the actual dry run!

The holidays are here and I didn't really embrace it with open arms. Seems these few months will be pretty boring for me. Unless it's packed with dota with classmates and stuff. How I used to love holidays...not anymore. hahaha. foong ming even said I was suaning her by saying that. like what the. hahaha. seriously...I need something else to occupy myself with...

My theory exam is tomorrow...and its at ping yi school hall lol. What a damn coincidence, eh? Studied a little, but gotta go back to memorizing the italian, french and german terms later again...There's so god damn many of them and it's irritating. haha. I can say that these few days I've not been as "vivace" as can be...and my steps toward the A levels are at a constant "adagio" WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING forget it. it's super lame.

see you guys...err...another time.

HELLO GUYS! i am back to blog! must have been suffering from withdrawal symptoms from not seeing any posts for the past week eh? no? ok nvm. hahaha. I was either too busy or just too plain lazy to blog. But what I'll do is post some pics...and sum up just about everything that happened all this time.

1. I HAVE BEEN PROMOTED TO JC2 thank Heavens. Got a C for everything lol. quite disappointed really. will work harder for nxt year's CT.

2. I HAVE BOUGHT MY NEW RIG! (geek language for computer) will post pics below!

3. I HAVE BOUGHT A NEW WALLET! again, will post pic below

4. I HAVE BOUGHT NEW GAMES! well, about 100+ worth. no pics. haha.

5. I WENT TO KBOX! no pics available...bwahaha.

hmm. well, nothing much else, so here are the pics.





all in a tower that's much bigger than my last casing...cant see much though.





estee said she ALMOST bought this. bwaha. lucky me.

yeah. that's just about it. hahaha. got school tomorrow...and a new timetable. Going home earlier everyday...though that incentive is a little cheap. only by one period. haha.

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ok i'm seriously dry already. haha. see ya around.

I was out from 11:30am yesterday till 10 plus at night...hahaha. eleven hours. One of the longest days out I've spent with friends, I must say. Went to Katong to play LAN...too bad I didn't get to savour the "GOD LIKE CHICKEN RICE!" my friends always talked about. they sold pork there. haha.

I was expecting some small, cramped room with old computers and lots of ah bengs...I was wrong. The computers were freakin damn hell state of the art. And what scared me the most was that I played every single game inside it...and might I say they installed a hell of a lot of games inside. All the latest. I played every one of them at the highest quality level, and speed and response remained lightning fast. What the hell!!! I was practically drooling; not over the games, but the computers there! And they were running on Athlon 64's with XFX graphics in a XPC casing...Didn't look very impressive, and the monitors weren't LCD flatscreens. That gives me a rough idea of how my new com will perform...more so since I'm using Core2Duo rather than AMD processors...graphics-wise I'm sure I can match up pretty good. That is, if I get the funding for it. haha.

I seriously need new games. Everything I have right now is boring me to the bone. When I get the new com I'm going to splurge on WWII games...nothing less. Company of Heroes, Call of Duty, anything related. I want to experience life as a soldier! even if it's in virtual reality. haha.

After playing LAN went to bugis and sim lim square with boon, swee khoon and chang yuan. The rest stayed at katong to play pool. haha. It was running late, and we still had two places to go, so we didn't stay. Managed to drag boon and khoon along with me and chang yuan. Had katong laksa on the way there, but decided to stop over at PP first cuz boon wanted to look at some books. Then we took a bus to bugis...bought cy's stuff, then went to SLS to get his bro's birthday present. Gameboy SP..we wanted to slaughter him because he made us travel so far just for him to save 3 dollars! 3 DOLLARS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I'd pay 3 dollars to smack his face! lol! Right, then took a walk through bugis street, and I do wonder how farzana and chen pei shop there...like boon said : "it's a sign of human decadence." well I'd kinda say its more of "human social decay." there's even a sex shop in there. Never paid much attention to it. hahaha. really.

Right. after all that we took a train home...damn was the haze bad yesterday! When I emerged from any building to outside, the 'smoke' and particulate matter seemed to swallow me right up. I could see the particles right in front of me for goodness sake. And that was the source of the irritating itch in my throat the entire day I guess. What made it worse was the fact that we were in a dense city area with lots of traffic..people smoking, cars stopped at traffic lights...it only made the air quality worse. And we weren't the only ones to feel the pinch of the haze. On the train on the way back, on every stop when the door opened, the haze seemed to envelop us, even though we were in the train. Well I'd curse and swear at those who caused this, but looking at things, I don't think they had much other choice. Gotta survive, you know. Even though you're destroying nature. yeah. Wait till the next tsunami comes and smacks you in the face...

Oh well. And today's another slacking day. I just finished Fable for the third time and I'm so disappointed because there isn't any 'unlimited gameplay'. I mean, after I killed the baddies, the game ended. So that's just disappointing. I haven't even gotten married and had sex yet! well, that's one of the features of the game. You get to buy a house, get married, and well, what comes next, I guess. And I realized that the last time I played it, it was so difficult because I failed to use my experience wisely...just now when I was battling the lost boss I was GODLIKE...he didn't stand a damn chance. I didn't even use my sword! It was just archery at its best.

okay...I think that's just about enough. I'm going to meditate and find any other games that can interest me till my results are out this wednesday. I wonder if I will retain. hahaha. This is really the first time I'm worried about this stuff. I have never worried about staying back. Bu this time it's for real, and I don't want to waste a year. Even more, I don't want to be the object of ridicule. I won't say who.

cheers...and to those taking O's this year, good luck! bring fifty bucks along into the exam hall. You might want to use it in case the paper slaughters you. =)

I am in a very goooooood moooooooood today. why?

BECAUSE!

PROMOS ARE OVER! fooooo!!!

sorry. the feeling of finishing one year of studying nonsense is just overwhelming. I can't wait to see my results. How many passes I got. Yes, I did say passes. Now I didn't say how WELL I did because I damn well know I didn't. hahahaha. I just want to get to JC2 that's all. And seems things are lookin' up for me cuz mum's been giving hints that she's going to get me my new com for sure. After that all the newest games will be available to me...I won't be stuck in this box that this piece of shit I'm using now put me in. Well I can't really blame it anyway. It's freakin 2 years old. That's damn old. In the gaming world and computing world things are changing everyday and that's a fact...but I won't talk about that. lol. I am just toooo lazy. I just wanna sit back, relax, and wait for the next year to come...because with every new year comes new things and new experiences..looking forward to 2007...because I never know what'll be coming my way.

I am really surprised as to how I was able to do today's paper since I put in so little effort into practicing. And maths really needs alot....alot of practicing. It's like a never ending phase when you learn maths. You gotta do it everyday to familiarize yourself. and no, I didn't do that and I don't intend to delve deeply into whatever I learn in maths...haha. Go too deep and you'll drown in the words and numbers. Well at least I can confidently say that I'm going to pass today's paper. Since I know I can pass chem (90% lah huh?) and maths...I think my 2 H2 and 1 H1 passes are in the bag.

Physics? hahahaha. what's that?

today is a damn boring day. I went out with the guys to eat at KFC...then went home. And till now I've been doing nothing but sit in front of this computer and find things to do. CS...SimCity 4...they're all starting to bore me. I suddenly feel to need to watch a war movie. Maybe I'll borrow qizheng's Saving Private Ryan (yes, not Shaving Ryan's Privates)...I wanna watch that again. Don't say I'm a sadistic person. I just appreciate the harsher realities of life...rather than the tippy toe ballet type love stories...no. not for me. haha.

right...I'm just going to end it off here. See ya guys. And lest I forget, I always feel the need to post pics...from yesterday onwards. haha. so here's one.




I took this in the PY percussion store before the competition...hope you guys like it. for some reason. hahahaha! see ya!

physics paper today...yes, it owned me. hahahaha. it owned almost all my friends. Well I like to compare and I usually follow the crowd, though in examinations I have not much to turn to except this brain of mine. Yes, I prefer to compare, so let's just leave it at that. haha. Have you ever heard of Isaac Newton? Yeah I wanna go back in time and bitchslap at guy. Why did he have to discover gravitation. Yes again, I know I'm being irrational at this point of time complaining about something that changed mankind forever (well it did didn't it?)...but seriously, when he discovers something...he brings new light to teachers...who in turn...think up horrifying things to mentally slaughter their students.

That's what happened today. We got bitchslapped up, down, left, right, and center. I think I was using my calculator to count the blanks I left in the damn paper rather than churning out values to the powers of 10 and beyond. hahaha. That's what I do...Still this little mouse trying to get out of the lab called "Education".

I remember going to get my stuff after the exam..I saw one of my friends, he saw me and just said

"Don't say a word."

I guess we all know how well he did. bwahahahaha.

Tomorrow I'll be taking my maths paper...and since we already have no hope whatsoever or any confidence in passing today's paper, might as well make up for what causes us less mental stress throughout the course of our school year. Mathematics. Euler. Newton (again that moron). Whatever. I don't remember much else about the founders of mathematics. All I need to do is learn. And apply. Just to get me through. haha. Funny though why I put so little faith into physics. Going to need it later, I might think.





ok this is the first ever pic I have uploaded in my blog...ever. What's the world coming to. Seriously. I'll leave you to ponder the name...haha.

Nevermind. I'm just hoping to get through tomorrow's paper, and it's a self proclaimed BREAK after that. Screw physics paper 1 on monday. It's just half an hour...imagine that. Waking up early in the morning just to take a paper for a god damn half hour. It's not worth it I tell you. And the principal says she wants school to end earlier this year. wtf is that.

And I seriously think I need to attach some kind of video cam to my head or something when I go to school. Damn, the stupidity my friends display is freakin priceless. I just saw one of em 'breakdance' while he slipped on a wet drain hatch. Damn that was funny...well, so is almost everything I see them do...It's a wonder.

Okay, going to find myself some motivation to study maths now. I haven't been studying it for a few days now and truthfully I'm beginning to get a little worried. Just one moer paper and I'm done for this year...save PW. I'm not going to talk about that. It's going to draw attention to me again...and I don't like that very much.

By the way, ever heard of the song Nothing Else Matters by Metallica? It's a damn nice song, and to prove it, I played it on the piano. A really good song, to me, can be played with any instrument, and still sound as good. I loved playing that on the piano man. Since my guitar is currently out of order, a piano is the next best thing to fiddle with once in a while...

Well, I'm off. Take care. Mum's still not home yet...hmmm.

Took my chem paper today...and I am not at all confident. haha. god frickin damn it, I spent so much time (and my friends did the same) on studying organic chemistry pinning my hopes on what I thought would make up the most of the chem paper...in the end, damn it, they scattered the damn thing all over and if I were to go and count all the organic chem questions...it just aint worth the while. And I really think the management is desperate for us to do well this promos. They'd given us a question VERY similar, if not identical, to what came out in the chem paper. Some kind of iodate ions reacting with iodide ions to liberate iodine, then add thiosulphate to do dunno what. haha. I bet you guys would be like wtf looking at this lah. haha. nvm. It's just another part of all the nonsense we learn here in JC. Government aided experimental institutions. That's what I call em'. hahaha.

Tomorrow is physics and once again I am not at all confident. Passing may not be a problem, but doing well will be. But what the hell, all I want to do right now is get promoted to JC2. Aiming high will not really get me anywhere right now. I firmly believe that you cannot persuade the typical teenager to accept everything as a necessity and fact when he moves up to a higher level of education. Perhaps I'm just using that as a blatant excuse (looks like it, doesn't it?), but for me, my ideology works just fine.

2 H2 subs and 1 H1 sub, eh? shouldn't be too much of a problem. Hey, if I manage to flunk physics, maths would make up for it just fine. I dare say I've been putting much more effort into maths than any other subs.

What subs do I want to take at H3 level next year? I don't very well know of course. At the rate I'm going right now, H2 is too much too. hahahaha. Well I've thought about taking chem at H3, but with all the damn stuff I've got to memorize right now, RIGHT DOWN to the damn arrows (half and full arrows) reflecting ELECTRON MOVEMENT from molecule to molecule...I don't think I can cram much more into this head of mine next year as I have this year. And lest I forget; this is only my first year. What I take into JC2 WILL be applied...into the more advanced topics where more nonsense is introduced in class.

Okay, I think I've said just about enough about studies...how about a little insight into what I've been doing for the past five or so hours since I reached home? I've begun folding straw hearts again for god knows what the hell. I just took one look at all the pink straws I 'borrowed without asking' from the physics lab a few months back. Well it seems just like yesterday I learned how to fold straw hearts. But I'll leave that for later. I've found no motivation whatsoever for myself to be able to study today. Even watching the BOB documentary almost put me to sleep. I think I prefer watching young men in combat than old men telling tales in black and white about their epic past.

Straw hearts? I think I made a commitment to myself a few months ago..too long ago, to make about 10 straw hearts a day. At the end of ten days I'd have 100, then in three months or so, a thousand. What was I thinking? I seem to be taking longer to fold these little bits of plastic than I used to. If I remember correctly, I'd been able to fold these things behind my back...now I can't. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to try again. hahaha. Does make me seem a little stupid doing that right now. Who'd bother to see me do it? that's right. no one.

PY and SPF are going to thailand this december...I admit that I'd follow the crowd...as in who the alumni would be going with. But I'd personally prefer PY. It's more...well, I just feel more comfortable with them than I'd be with anyone else, save my friends in school. I don't think I'd felt more comfortable...ever.

*sigh*, yeah. I think I'm pretty dry right now, and if I were to continue you guys would be reading nothing but hot air.

I've spared you this time.

Seems I haven't blogged for more than a week, but you guys haven't missed much. really. and this morning I sit here in front of the computer...thinking of what to type in here while I savour the wonderful sounds of some kid screaming his or her lungs out...god damn it. When he/she wants attention, he/she frickin GETs attention...perhaps you guys should get over here and listen to the heavenly noises I hear almost everyday.

What have I been doing for the past week? Studying. Lots of it. Its like staying back in school just to study every single day for at least 2 hours or more. What's that you say? That's normal? yeah, it is. But remember my name. I need to stop counting on the fact that I can get everything I need to get in this head of mine at the last moment. But no, I didn't start one day or two days before the exam. I started a month before. Okay, that's less time to study than for my O's...and no one would really treat promos like a real deal examination, but let me tell you it's the real thing...if we don't get through this we either repeat our first year all over again...or get kicked out so we can find a 'better' studying life elsewhere. But that's not exactly on my schedule right now, so I'm going to do my best to get promoted.

Remember the 'All B's' deal I made with mum to get the gaming pc? Forget it. Now i'm just trying to get to a higher level. hahaha. Higher levels...usually we talk about getting to those on games we consider challenging and would earn us the respect amonst our own cliques...now it's in education. What sense has that to me anyway. But I'm talking about that now...its stupid.

I'd like to talk about my regrets right now.

Number one : Knowing about the song Iris a decade after it came out
Number two : Making my first three months in TPJC almost nonexistent with my laziness
Number three : Thinking that Opera was the best internet browser around (using Firefox now)

What else have I to say? I don't really know what else...perhaps...no.

I feel that I've been able to pull myself away from certain things and right now I don't really know if the results are for better or for worse. Seriously, i have no idea what to say about these things anyway. But what surprises me is that I do feel to have more freedom without them clogging my path. And clogging my brain. The past few days in school have been fulfilling...both physically and mentally. Especially with friends. Friends I'd never thought I'd have made in that school. Maybe the grass here is greener afterall. After all that animosity and discontent...I've found...happiness. But happy endings are not at all close. I've still got a long road ahead...and I seem to be riding on horseback than to be enjoying the comfort of a car.

I've finally finished watching Band of Brothers...my friend was kind enough to let me borrow his prized VCDs to watch. Damn, it is the best miniseries I have ever watched in my entire life. Period. I even wish it was a series more than a miniseries. 10 episodes are hardly enough to cover everything that was written down in the book. Maybe 20 would be enough, but I don't think anyone would complain about the length. Every episode is a joy to watch. And I never knew how much those boys hated war. They really, really hated it.

Going to take my bath now...got tuition at 11:30. Tuition...once again, what a wonderful way...to spoil a perfect sunday.