Finally back home from a long day...actually I was blogging halfway in the computer lab back in school in the morning. It was some contact time period, although we [and our teacher] treat it as a free lab period. It's like using the com for free for 40 minutes...I was blogging on something about teens...but decided to drop it. Decided to wait till the end of the day when I'd seen more interesting things along the way. But alas, it wasn't such an eye-opener of a day or anything.

The only fun time we had was during the MTL period in the auditorium...damn it's cold in there. Some guys from our class were playing with a laser pointer...a POWERFUL one at that. So they took the opportunity to point it at anything interesting. And every time they did the entire cohort burst into laughter. Those on stage had absolutely no idea what the hell was happening, so they just looked stunned. This made the laughter even worse I'll tell you. And there was one time where students from the audience were picked out to go on stage to try out some stuff from chinese dance. You know, those fancy fans, umbrellas and stuff. Two guys from my class got picked out and when they got on stage, we pointed the lasers at their heads and butts...damn funny stuff la. I swear, I laughed till I had a tummyache in there. Those were the most hilarious two periods in JC1 life man, well, at least for now. haha...

After that they introduced the chinese orchestra...performed solos on guzheng, er hu, that chinese flute (dunno the chinese name...sorry!!) and another instrument that looked like a bunch of pipes stuck together...I dubbed it the 'doomsday device'..haha! don't ask me why okay. There was also a solo on the chinese drum. His strokes are good lah, and I know chinese orchestra drummers need to have damn good strokes cuz there is no such thing as a roll, but rather 'very very fast single strokes' to sustain the sound. He did lots of rhythms on both the drum and the rims...good enough for me lah. haha. One guy from band [desmond...YES desmond. MR POH'S COUSIN] turned back and asked me if I could do that. HAHA...I dun want to comment. Then they all came forward and started playing that famous chinese tune..you know, the wang fei hong one. haha...dunno whether it was impromptu or something. But it was all damn nice lah.

So after school [4.10. YES 4.10!!] I went back to my house area...stopped over at the bubble tea shop to buy some stuff to eat. I knew there was nothing to eat at home anyway. Now here's where is gets extremely frustrating. Everyone knows that after school(s), at dunman sec and TPJC, the uncle(s) at the bubble tea shop go absolutely crazy cuz they are just bombarded with orders, and there's always a long queue. Nonetheless I queued to get my stuff...I'd do almost anything to eat, by the way. Actually in the middle of the queue I thought of leaving since it was taking so much time, but I stayed anyway. Okay, 10 minutes later I got my peanut butter waffle, so I went over to the side and munched on it...then all that was left was my milo ice blended. Qi min came over with some friends...she saw me and we started talking...she damn funny lah one time. I asked her

"Hey so where u goin after this?"

"Well, Uni loh."

OMG! WTF LOL?

"No.....I meant after *THIS* where u goin" I pointed to the floor

She burst into laughter for being such an idiot...hahaha...after that she turned to her friend and told her what an idiot SHE was. hahaha...lame. But ok lah. She's quite nice. I'll be seein her till the end of the year anyway. -.-"

Ok. talking to her and all that, another 10 minutes. After that it was just plain STONING. Alright. I was there at around 4.20. Waited till 4:55. YES 4.55. MORE THAN HALF AN HOUR OKAY. I'd finished my waffle a long time ago lah. At that time, I just walked away. I thought that my time was much more valuable than that one dollar milo ice blended...so I walked away for some distance when I heard

"MILO ICE BLENDED!"

I stopped right in my tracks. My mind said "Finally!" my heart said

"Sonofabitch."

Turned back to get my drink, said bye to qi min and went home...THEN when I reached home I realized grandma wasn't around. So I spent the next five minutes rummaging through my bag to find the house keys...DAMN IT! wasting time is something I really hate loh. Oh well. I've just finished my drink and I feel a tad bit better...so dun harp on it. Later all the wrinkles come out. LOL!

see ya =)

Time is such an unexplainable thing. Have you ever looked back at some things you'd done in the past and said

"Damn, that was stupid." or "I shouldn't have done that.." or "I could've done that better"

Stuff like that, all the regret, all the pointless reflections. Fact is, what's done is done, and there's nothing we can do to undo it.

Movies depicting the possibility of time travel...you know, those morons travelling back into the past (or in some, accidentally transported back into the past) through time machines, serious natural disasters [there was one time where someone was trapped in the middle of a tornado. When it stopped, he was in the past...what the fish?] Travelled back into the past to undo man's most serious and unforgivable mistakes.

So what about you? Have you ever thought of something did you thought you shouldn't have done? Or something you should have done but had second thoughts about it, and when you decided, it was too late? Missed a marvellous opportunity? Looked over the love of your life? Got scolded for something so stupid you'd cry about it but in the future, laugh it off.

If you had the chance to travel back in time, what would you do or undo?

Friends of mine had said..."I wish I had some magical clock I could use to turn back time, times when I enjoyed life. Undo those stupid little mishaps that got me into a whole lot of trouble."

I wish I could do the same thing. In my world, the past is always the best times of our lives. The present will be when we think of it in the future. Too complicated? Too bad. -.-"

As for me? age 12-16. Best 4 years of my life, years I will never forget. Years I wish I could just capture every moment and frame it up, keep it in a huge museum dedicated to my past. Times I relished in glory, times I laughed, cried, smiled, felt things I'd never felt before. Did things I never dreamed of before. Met people that would stay with me for life, well, at least, I want them to. Had great teachers, even greater mentors. In the band, always trying to set a new standard for rhythm, if you know what I mean. Every moment, a joy. Every moment.

Relive the past, anticipate the future. And the present? It's up to me to decide whether I'd enjoy it or hate it. Minutes pass, every second is a thing of the past. Great. I'd wasted 30 seconds just thinking of what to type next. And it all ended up with this.

Savour times of the past...live through times of the present...hope for times of the future.

Aaah...just finished dinner *burp*! (well, actually, I wish I could do that. -.-") Today was a long day, and I mean damn long day...but school time passed quite quickly I might say. After that got band from 4 to 6pm...laming around most of the time lah...after that me and bertwin took turns to play drumset solos. Learnt new things! Wonder if I can apply later on. Bloody merry widow. It seems every song I play in TPJC it has something against me. I played the vibes for merry widow and I had to frickin use 4 mallets...[I DONT DO 4 MALLETS VERY OFTEN YOU SEE.] and if that wasn't enough, it was 3 notes at the same time...in crotchets and quavers, in 2/4 time. AFTER THAT, it switched immediately to running notes...arpeggios I think. At an even faster speed, and after that switch back to the 3 notes again. Bloody shit, holding 4 mallets and playin running notes can be annoying sometimes. And I was like sight reading the running notes all the way lah. Note for note every count, but still can produce good rhythm...although quite a number of wrong notes. HAHA! but its on the vibes, who cares?! Woohoo...this proves my sight reading hasn't deteriorated...in fact improved, I think.

Damn JC band is demanding when it comes to musicality...I finally understood that. =)

Wonder how the band did for the speech day rehearsal today. Can't go because I was BANNED (no ulterior intentions by saying that)...hope shane found it easy to teach the timpani parts to Justin today. I found it rather easy editing the two songs on the timpani parts last night. Did both within 10 minutes! LOL. Damn it, now I have to come up with a drum solo. Not by peer pressure, but by self pressure. I need to get one out for the line...NOW!

I can see the band is heading in the right direction. Although I *feel* that mr poh's "very good, very very good" during the band's last few formation runs were a little of an overstatement, they still have the chance to conquer this hurdle. Titans Marching Band, Top Band 2006, Best Drum Major award. After that, National Day Parade, Chingay and Istana performance. We'll blow the president right out of his socks...yeah!

Back from TPJC band...and I'm still in my TPJC uniform...too lazy to bathe. Starving like hell here lah! waiting for grandma to fix dinner. Yes, I went to school in new uniform today. I woke up this morning so eager to try out my new uniform (yes, cheesy and corny I know.) and when I finally got dressed and stood in front of the mirror...

"Oh man. This is SO wrong." -_____________-"

Oh well. School today passed quickly, ended at 12:10...had to wait in the canteen with the rest of my mates till 12:50 before we could leave...played a little cards in that time.

The past few days? You all want updates dontcha. Well, frankly, I don't remember MUCH. haha. except one lah. Mr poh barred me from band on weekdays cuz he wants me to go to school. Damn, if i didn't pon the last few lessons on tuesday, I would've been able to come back on weekdays...now I can only do what I have to on saturdays. 4 MORE WEEKS = 4 MORE SATURDAYS? I hate myself for not wanting to do more with the sideline for the past few months.

And that leads me to another topic...what right have I to call myself a Titan when I've not been behaving like one. Skipping classes (not now anymore, of course), slacking during practices, not performing up to my best, not giving the sideline everything I know. I've been a student, and always will be, but never made a very good teacher in any time in my life. Remember when I had to teach farz a maths three times before it got into her head, remember when I had to teach the snares for so damn long to get something when it could've been done earlier...When I think back I'm thoroughly ASHAMED. ashamed...

There are so many things that I look back at and feel that I'm so ashamed...take this for one. Samantha's been treating me like an invisible entity. She doesn't talk to me, she doesn't even look at me anymore. What's up with that? Hey, I know I've wronged her in the past, I gave her up just because my heart told me to do so, I didn't fight back. I know I shouldn't have let her suffer. But to tell you the truth, it seemed to be quite alright in the first few weeks of our mishap, still friends, still talking and laughing. Then it all stopped abruptly. Sometimes it feels as if she's hostile towards me. If you're reading this (how is it even possible when you've taken me off your links [yes, i DO notice.]) All I can say is I'm sorry. I really don't want to lose you as a friend. Anyway, it's up to you. don't want to harp on this anymore.

And people think their lives are messed up. I don't even know how to describe mine.

It's difficult to move on when something's become a part of you.

Back from band camp, and from a stay at the club...last night was terrible man, couldn't sleep very well and every few minutes my cousin would either slap my face, push me over or kick me...he's like a freakin tank, man. When he's sleeping he can move me like it's nothing to him. There was once I slept facing him and he kicked me in that very sacred place *OWWWWCCCHHHH!!!* I will NEVER sleep facing him again. Woke up this morning with a splitting headache and sore throat...still havin a bit of sore throat now though. Thanks to that pearl powder I picked up at eu yan sang...BLOODY EXPENSIVE STUFF MAN! 15.60 for a pathetic tiny tube. Who cares? I'd pay any price to get myself better fast.

Band camp was great...did alot of things, although sometimes I thought I hadn't done enough. Shane and I brought the sideline well up to standard, and it seems we'll be keeping them for the competition. 5 weeks more, and I hope they can remain as competitive and as determined, to improve more and be the best that they can be on that day. Sleeping at 2-3am everyday and waking up at 8-9 was quite...well, tiring. It's kinda embarrassing that we had more sleep than the majors, who slept at the same time as us, if not later, and woke up at around 7am every morning. Oh well. What can I say? 5 weeks! GO-TI-TANS-LETS GO!

I wonder if I can make it to band prac this wednesday...meaning I'd have to skip TPJC band...should I skip it? I really want to do more with the sideline...hmmm. Probably decide on tuesday or on the day itself. Damn, I haven't bought my uniform yet. And that bloody annoying graphic calculator...gonna cost me a freakin bomb.

letters that make up a name, I fear those letters. Not fear, but well, they make me uptight =)

Went for the alumni bbq yesterday...had fun lah, can say so. Although I don't know why I was so moodless and stoned at one point. Yesterday got to play mahjong with the guys man, haha!! First time! Alot of people didn't turn up, which was a major disappointment for me lah...chen pei, shane, steph, lin yun, alot of the dragons. yup...quite a number. Nevermind lah, all got good reasons...shan't make the bbq like some kind of compulsory thing for them liddat. At 11:30 it seemed as though everyone was leaving...so I left too, reached home at 11:45. Didn't eat much, actually. Was cooking for the first hour or so...after that just slacking. Save the food for the eating committee =D.

Band camp is tomorrow and damn I'm not psyched at all. Looks like I have to do something about that. Damn it, Friday they're released at 5pm and I have to leave at 10am? WHAT THE F***? just because my family wants to enjoy another one of their cheap thrills. Too much money never give me. Splurge on unnecessary things...-______-" I won't tell you what those things are, okay?

It seems to me that while I was so afraid of losing a friend before, I think I just lost one already.



Lost a friend.

I'm completely moodless but I have no idea why I'm here to blog haha...this is lame. Today the band damn good la, well, for me I guess. Freakin hair stand, and it was so difficult teaching the sideline percussion with the band playin in the field. So loud until everyone was so distracted; I think I got distracted the most. I was giving tempo for dem when suddenly I stopped to listen to the band, den the whole thing break down HAHA! very nice to see that they're moving towards the good side. Really up to standard now. Now the only problem is keeping it that way, and improving even further...

I've got one month to bring the sideline percussionists up to standard...the problem is how. I think the problem lies more with me than with them. I can get really really patient with them, but when that patience is lost, man, I start shouting, I start yelling, it's so frustrating for me. More to me than to them I think. They're just there thinking

"What the hell is he yelling about?"

Yes, funny indeed. But I really don't want to see them being brushed aside just before the competition like they did two years ago. It isn't worth wasting our effort, wasting their effort too. They're lacking a little something...I don't know what. I doubt they know much about their own playing too. Play play la...that's all mah. What can I say about that? I keep saying I want to push on, but there are still times I feel like, well you know, slacking...let them do whatever they want for a while, take a break for myself. Then I think...what the hell am I doing. This is not the right way..it's not the Titans way. It's definitely not my way then.

Have to continue pushing myself forward..not for myself, but for the percussion section, for the band.

Someone tear my heart out please. I need a new one...the old one's too heavy. Can't carry it anymore.

XIE CHEN PEI YOU SPOIL MY MOOD TODAY!

Just feeling so tired...no milo to sip out of a mug today...haha. if mum doesn't ask me, I won't ask her to make for me =) why don't I make myself a cup, you ask? I can't make mine any better than hers...I wouldn't want to be drinking undergraded milo made by yours truly...

Managed to change my piano lesson next week, meaning I get to stay the full 3 nights at PY. Thank god now I can attend the alumni prac on thursday night. Wonder what we'll be playing...eh. J-pop la. LOL. We've waited long enough!

Moved everything over to PY today. It seems all of us were greeted with a warm welcome when we reached PY...the atmosphere there is just so fresh and welcoming. I don't know why. It just feels better than SPF I guess. So many memories were from PY. I doesn't just depend on the location; most of our fondest memories lie in what is now called Pasir Ris Secondary school...but all I know is, it was in "ping yi" that we derived our passion for band from, it was in the "ping yi" field that we did our first formations...that we've been in over and over again, half an hour to an hour at a time with 5 minute breaks in between, if we were lucky we'd get 10 so we could sit around a little before falling back in and doing everything over again, unless we were learning something new that day.

Great. I'm bringing myself and you guys back into the past again. I just missed those times...times of passion and glory. When we made a name for ourselves, the Titans band. Titanic fury, titanic determination, titanic spirit, our name said it all. Times I used to march with my snare, resting on my knees cuz I was short then; I still have those scars on my knees now. Everything was just plain nature to me...dressing, music, marching, all second nature. I don't know how. Seems most of us had that kind of ability too. I think it was the passion. Did my best, like many others. Did my best.

Found out today that CCA in JC was not required in the total results in A levels...admission to uni didn't require NS and CCA anymore, I believe. It's now 90% A level results, 10% PW instead of the past 85% A level results, 10% PW and 5% NS and CCA. Does this mean I can have a crappy attendance at band?

Mr Tan spoke to me today...yes. James Tan...hey. He's quite a good guy now okay. for now, at least. He said their apparently horrible sound was just due to their 'off form-ness' or something like that. He was even more surprised when I told him they were intending to take part in NBC. They would brush up, he said. THAT, I can only hope. If they're not up to standard by NBC, I don't even want to turn up on that day. Don't talk about responsibility, okay? I'm not prepared to lose face for a band that I don't want to commit myself to. I don't like the band. period. What's more frustrating is the problem of whether I'd be able to choose which band I'd want to perform with. Namely, TPJC band, or the Titans Alumni. Well duh, I'd want the latter, but who am I to choose? I don't know. Maybe I'll find out as time passes. In the mean time, I think I'm going for JC band on fridays...I don't even know if I have time to take the sideline on wednesdays anymore. Hope my timetable is not that full, at least until competition day.

Funny watching farz tryin to do offbeats with the flute section today...kai qian was like so damn retarded la...I think every flautist is retarded in something. Although I havent really picked out something prominent about farz yet. HAHA. I'm sure you're dead spastic in SOMETHING, okay? I'll just have to wait and see. hahaha...I think I need to practice in my offbeats too....a little retarded at the faster stages.

Have to follow mr poh to CCAB next week during the camp...thursday morning. Seems this jap guy will be giving a marching band workshop talk on that day. Wow, he was a Cavalier, and a composer and arranger for the Blue Stars in DCI in his earlier years. Always eager to learn from a professional drummer. Hoping to get tips on how to practice, tuning drums and all that technical stuff. Have to think it all through before next week...maybe goin to compile a list of the important stuff I'd have to ask him. I'm not just going to sit there and listen...gotta be interactive, right? This will definitely help the line alot...in both music and marching ability. Why am I not overly-excited? I have no idea....

Currently waiting for CY to come over to my place to take his share of the porridge...seems he just finished work around half an hour ago. Hope that's enough for his supper. Feel quite bad for him anyway, have to walk all the way here after a long day and then walk all the way back to his house. Oh well. farz and chen pei couldn't make it today...much to my disappointment at first. I guess it's alright since they have to take care of stuff at home. They're not as pampered as me...got stuffs to do. there's always another time anyway, right? maybe I'll call them over again in a month or so, when everyone gets that porridge craving again.

see you then.

There's only like forty more days to the competition...and every band practice is like an immense rush for us...doesn't seem as such to my section members. If only they were more focused in what they were doing. What's the point of going for a competition with you're not prepared to put in your best?

Speaking of competitions, I learned today that TPJC band is taking part in NBC. F*** IT MAN! that means I can't perform with the titans alumni? omg that sucks to the core man. And of all things, I don't even like TPJC band. arghhh...now that I'm unwillingly bonded to TPJC, I have to go for their band practices...just for the attendance and that little percentage that goes into my total score in 'A' levels...I think CCA plus NS adds up to 5% of the whole thing...duh...-_______-" how how how...

Went to do the field marking at PY today after reaching home at around 9 plus from school. The teacher had just given all the JC1s a stern warning that we're not supposed to leave school early before the programme ends...even if its the orientation, it's still an OFFICIAL SCHOOL DAY. damn, I'm not prepared to sit around listening to stuff I've gone over before...over...and over...and over again. A few JC1s and I left school not long after that little lecture. Big deal. Went to meet chang yuan...AT HIS HOUSE before going for band...once again, I got mixed up and got off on the 9th floor instead of the 8th. You know how I'd recognize his house? There would be this huge plant growing out of the parapet right outside his door...ok. That's his little garden right there, I thought. I had to frickin call his house just to get him to open the door for me. And when he did, I wished he didn't.

"Please tell me you haven't just woken up?"

"I just woke up."

WHAT THE !?!?!?!? hey man, I thought being at your house at 10.10 meant like, you're awake at 9 plus and bathed and changed already...and was waiting for me. And you greet me with that long, sleepy face of yours. Thanks alot man...because of you we were late, and because we were late farz was so pissed off about it. HAHA! speaking of which, I think farz had better stop being *on time*...cuz there always seems to be someone who is late. It's like, she's being on time and even EARLY when we meet up, unlike last time where we had to sit there and wait like morons for her. hahahaha...I guess we know how she felt when she was waiting for us alone...haha. SORRY AH!!!! =)

I didn't really eat well today, at least I think. Had food at irregular times...and drank alot, in fact. I don't want to be a walking water bag...that's how I feel sick everytime I play soccer. So much liquid, not much solid, I'd be able to hear the water sloshing around in my stomach when I was running here and there. Other times, I'd just stone and stand around cuz the gas in my stomach just WOULDN'T EXIT OUT MY THROAT. no, it doesn't mean I fart, damn it. I burp like, once, twice a month? that SERIOUSLY sucks, okay? That means a can of coke can turn me into a hot air balloon in a matter of minutes. dammit...

Enough about the air...it seems steph and jings' appeals to MJ will be successful, and I'll be the only SPF guy from band in TPJC. that. SUCKS. yes, I have other friends...but damn, who's closer? duh. Two years stuck in TPJC and their horrid band.

My mum was talking about early retirement today at the dinner table...said she'd be able to do that once I'd finished my law degree and gotten a good job as one. Easier said than done. First of all, that huge obstacle of gettin good grades at A levels AND getting into NUS, second of all, completing my degree, and third, getting a stable job with a mouth-watering income. Well, the mouth-watering part is just a preferance I guess. haha. My grandma only hopes she can live long enough to see me come up tops again. Don't worry, you will. And mind you she wasn't trying to be sarcastic, okay? (does she even know how to sound sarcastic? I think she forgot how lol.) I know what some of you are thinking.

Great, I just heard that ANNOYING uZap advert on TV outside...

"Zap zap zap, zap zap zap, zap zap zap...ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP ZAP!!!!!!!"

ITS DRIVING ME DAMN CRAZY!!!!!! Remember what yan wen said about people remembering adverts?

"If you really want them to remember your adverts, you gotta make them as IRRITATING as possible"

Well, that advert will make me remember that uZap thing for years.

Grandma's cooking porridge tomorrow and I dunno whether the six people I'd invited can make it. Right now, I've only confirmed Edwin and Siew Li...what about the rest man. I'd be a sad person eating porridge with only the two of them...hai...

HAI.....

Going to school today was, just as I thought yesterday, pointless. I must say I only went there for the attendance. The rest of the time up to 10:30, well, I only stayed because jing jing chained me to her...damn, I was so restless I couldn't wait to go home. It was so meaningless staying there listening to stuff I'd heard three months ago. It's all the same things, but mum just doesn't understand...really boring stuff. I was lucky enough to have one of my previous CG mates in my OG...much better with someone closer to talk to when it gets boring and stuff. And tomorrow it's going to happen all over again.

My SL from TPJC called just now asking me to come for tomorrow's CCA orientation...well of course you'd know my intention despite my half hearted agreement made to her. I don't start going for band until after the march holidays, okay? I haven't got the mood for it right now, and quite frankly, I've got more important things at hand.

News is that Farz's mum is out of ICU...that's a huge relief for her...I bet that's one for all of us too. It's great that she's in a stable state now. I guess it won't be long before she makes a recovery. All she needs to do is fight on. Nothing's stronger than a person's will, as I believe. Other than that? The big guy above will decide. Hey, good people deserve a good ending. I think there's one being planned for her right now. Fight on till then!

Sipping milo from a mug has never felt so good before...love the milo mum makes for me. Should invite her to band camp to make milo for us...HAHA! I bet people would come back for seconds and thirds. Speaking of band camp, I'll be going for it next week, confirmed staying over...except for thursday night where my mum mentioned about me coming home after my piano lesson at 8pm. That's like so early la. I hope I can change her mind sometime later.

Going to do the marking at PY field tomorrow after school..after that heading over to SPF to do the sideline. Syafiq said it would be tiring....? Nah, maybe not for me. I don't want to stay at home until 2 plus den leave straight for SPF. It's a waste of time. I'd rather go contribute at the field earlier. It's been quite a while since I've done this. I hope I'm not blur tomorrow...later get scolding again. =D

Alright...end here today. see you again sometime...

Peachy. Some lady called home today and told my grandma that I didn't go to school. Lady? Teacher or principal? Either way, it doesn't really matter, I won't make such a big fuss out of it. Mum knows about it and she didn't, anyway. She just told me to go to school tomorrow.

GREAT. I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL. during my one week self proclaimed holiday. bloody orientation, I can't believe my mum would rather me take attendance and play cards the whole day in some classroom rather then get some well deserved SLEEP. I NEED TO SLEEP! how long has it been since I've grown used to waking up at like 10 plus in the morning? It's such a routine time of 7am every morning it's becoming a bore. School's a bore already, but I like it for the fact that it's a stepping stone to university. First of all, it aint easy at all to get into NUS. So I have to work like a frickin mule in TPJC now to get there. I HAVE TO GET THERE.

1. Saves my mum's money...don't have to study overseas.
2. It's ranked among the top 20, which is damn good.
3. Local is good. Singaporeans are good. I love a multi-racial society
4. Closer to friends and family

Well, those are a few reasons named for going to NUS. Right down to the details being the faculty I've set my mind on getting into....not really covered up till this point.

Alright enough about studies and hopes and dreams.

This sunday is the alumni barbecue...at edwin's house! which is good, cuz it's close to my house. And I think some of the alumni are thinking of staying over. In that case, why should I be excluded? Looks like I have to keep my mum in a really good mood this entire week so I can pop the question this Friday. No school next week; the perfect excuse to stay over at his place. Can play WoW into the wee hours of the morning...haha. I'm talking as if I'm really stuck to that game when I haven't touched it for months. Alumni bonding is priceless at this point. This barbecue is perfect. Too bad ben can't make it. I'm sure he can feel the fun from down under anyway.

Caesar IV is coming out this fall and I'm going to get it! Looks quite plain, but hey, I'd go for any decent city building game. I love this kind of games...can be stuck to it for hours at a time. Good for my brain, not good for my bill. Oh well.

Farzana's apparently going to get a V3i when her dad gets back from Korea. THAT LUCKY SO AND SO! I've been eyeing that for ages, but I just didn't have the heart to spend the money (hey, you know how much I'd hate to spend money, unless I've a good reason to do so) awwww man....its OK. I DONT NEED a new phone...haha. I don't sound pissed off do I? don't worry about it =p I'm fine. =D

Another blessing in disguise? The previous one lasted four years...now it's another two for me. Curse DSA. One thing that really put me off was that one of the teachers at MJ fuckin sneered at my results when my mum talked to her.

"10 points? That's just average, not good enough"

You little bitch. I won't say anything more for fear of being branded anything next to boastful. How come none of my seniors in MJ said anything about the bitchy staff? Hell yes they made it far in the past three years...but their humility is nowhere in sight. And I thought that VP at VJC was an asshole. Take a look at that man.

You must be thinking why I'm able to blog at such a time...guess where I am? HOME. Bloody TPJC orientation going on this whole week...with days ending between 3pm and 4pm, I'm not prepared to sit in a classroom with all my ex classmates playing cards the whole day. I guess none of them are going for the orientation anyway. We've already been 'orientated' three or so months ago. I must say it was too easy getting out of school today in sight of so many teachers. Where did they think I was going? To the toilet? Yea man, the cleanest bathroom in Tampines...right here in my home. wanna see? Book an appointment, man...

Damn I'm getting lame. Oh yea, I was kept standing for a good half hour while my mum scolded me from the comfort of my living room sofa yesterday. It seems she was in a bad mood, quite strange since she had just got up from a nap in her room. I already told her about my intention to send benedict off at the airport that night in the afternoon, and she said she was okay with it. Who knew, a few hours later she was kicking up such a huge fuss about it. Then she started off with her usual lecture regime...raking up all the past things, picking on every bit of detail just to find fault with me, typical of her 'bad mood' behaviour. I must say I'm quite used to it having experienced it for a decade or more. Although I get seriously pissed off when I realize she's picking on me, I do understand that she's under stress too...try not to fight back and worsen the situation. There are times, though, when I'm right and she keeps quiet for a moment, thinking of another event that took place god knows how long ago to spite me.

"He's only going away for a month. Big deal. It's not as if he's migrating or anything. You don't need to go."

Damn, one month is a hell of a long time for me. I didn't even bother to tell her how important friends are to me, cuz she'll use that classic counter-attack :

"Do friends provide for you? Do friends give you a roof for you to live under? Why don't you go live with you friends in that case, see who wants to take you in"

Wow, she's used that sentence so many times I've memorised it lol. Even if he's going away for a month, man, I still think its damn important for me to go see him off, say a proper personal goodbye, you know, the usual stuff. I mean, how would I feel if I was going overseas alone for a long while and nobody came to see me off? Family will be there, yes, but what about the dear friends I won't be seeing for so long?

Now I'm in another precarious position. Next week is the band camp and I, as usual, have to keep mum in a really good mood so she'll let me go for it. It's the same thing over and over again for the past few years, even now when I've graduated.

"Everything you do now is for the band. What has the band done for you? What has kenrick poh done for you?"

OH MAN, THAT PISSED ME OFF REAL GOOD!

I didn't even bother to answer. I knew the answer within myself. She doesn't even understand the bond I've made with the band, whether I've graduated or not, the Titans spirit still lives within me. My SOUL bears the Titans name. oh, and FYI, mr poh moulded me into what I am today : a better person with a strong mind and will, a decent percussionist, a devoted band member. It was HIS hard work and perseverance that made me that way, as with many other band members...all my friends know, all the seniors know. I know.

Well, as usual, after an hour or so she cooled down and offered to cook dinner for me. This is usually the case if she scolds me before dinner time. And it's this sign that tells me it's ok to talk to her now. Oh man, I can't wait till I'm like, 18 or something. I think that will give me more freedom, meaning, I tell her what I'm going to do, not ask. I can stay out at night, I can manage my own time in my own way. Yes, she still has that control over me, but give me a little more control over myself, eh? I don't want to be chained to her until I'm 21. When I start making my own hard earned money I'll still support her like she did me...forget all those petty scoldings she gave me...it's in her personality I guess. If she didn't bring me up till today, who would?

War.

What's it for?

Sometimes its for greed, for power, to extend influence, to extend control. That's the bad side. And then there's the noble movement of liberation...the good side, though not very common.

In war there's casualties. Hundreds, thousands. Everyone takes casualties as part and parcel of war. Someone HAS to die. It's inevitable. Even if everyone on one side survives, it means everyone on the other side went to see God already. Who dies?

Fathers, sons, cousins, brothers, husbands, uncles, grandfathers.

Broken families, broken dreams. Blood spilt. Cries, screams.

The moment of revelation when they realize : "I wish I was home with my wife, my kids, my parents..." till their last breath. They die in regret.

No one is a true patriot. No one is really willing to die for their country. If they die, what about their families? Yes, they may be prepared, but they always have this hope...the hope that every once in a while mum and dad would receive a letter bearing their son's name. That he's safe and sound.

No room of softness in war. Kill or be killed. It's how it works. You don't stop until you see that tear in your adversary's eye.

"Don't shoot. I have a wife...I have children. I need to go home alive."

Don't call me an idiot if I point my gun down.