The girls are having their encore concert today and tomorrow in Seoul.

And I'm still here.

WHAT THE F***

There are a million and one things to express from oneself but almost always no way to do it.

Such a bother.

I don't like a certain kind of people.

This particular stratum never fails to grate at my nerves and saw at my bones every time I encounter them.

It's people who are insensitive. People who are mindlessly blunt. People who don't give a second thought to the feelings of others before unloading the shitload of what they want to say unto you.

Of course, I haven't always been on the receiving end, and I do admit that I'm trying to cut this horrible mannerism out of my personality. And I think I'm doing a pretty good job!

But some people...

Some people just never change, do they?

"It's no use being fluent in English when you've the vocabulary of a first grader."

I'm sure I've heard or read that from somewhere, and I think I should be on the receiving end of that comment.

Such shame. I've come to notice how very limited my vocabulary is. I'm not saying that I should be using big, colorful and sometimes rather frustrating words in writing, but the thing is, I'm not even close. All those books I've been reading...is this really the result of my scatterbrain?

I should read. Again. More.

ORD LO! Hmm...wait, that was three days ago.

The feeling's kinda overrated, you know? Except from the unexplainable mirth I had roiling in the pit of my stomach as I laid my fingers on my pink IC once again, there was...nothing. The feeling lasted a little more than four and a half seconds, I suppose.

Now that I'm free of the SAF's clutches, I find myself staring into what looks like a new world. It's the real world, welcome to life as it's supposed to be lived! Not. very. encouraging.

I suppose I've gotten too used to sitting around and waiting for money to fall from the sky every month on the tenth, and since that source of income has halted, I'll need to procure some other means of income soon. Very soon.

ORD LO!!!! Nope...shouting that out didn't help very much either...should I make a wall-size poster of my pink IC instead?

Let's see...I ORD in...20 minutes.

Ask me how I feel!

Really? How I feel?

Nothing...in particular...

Really? Aren't you happy and all that?

Well I suppose I'd be full of mirth parading around with a pink IC and all, but...that's all there is to it, I suppose. I suppose.

You're weird.

That I am...that I am.

So what are you plans for the near future?

If by 'near' you mean the months leading up to the start of my first semester in university then...work.

Are you looking forward to that? Work, I mean.

Let's just say I'm looking forward to getting paid.

What about new friends, work experience and all that?

I suppose it comes with the package of getting paid.

Superficial, aren't we?

Poor, aren't we?

Money isn't everything.

Why, no it isn't. Not when I'm old and loveless, no it isn't. But right now, it pretty much is.

Right. And I suppose money is going to make you happier than anything else right now.

Why...yes it is!



Why the hell am I talking to myself?

I've been thinking about this for a while (in a rather depressed manner) and decided that if I had to choose one thing to describe me best, or something that I personify the most, it would be "jack of all trades, master of none"

Throughout my life I've always thought of myself as someone who picks things up fast; someone who can grasp the concept of something just enough to put it into decent practice, and yet I never find myself to be very good at any one of those things.

Perhaps it's my laid back, procrastinotorious attitude towards life that leaves me lacking interest in something soon after I've jumped into it.

Let's see some of the 'trades' I've picked up over the years and chosen to pursue for at least a while (at least, those I can remember)

1. Piano
2. Drumming
3. Parkour
4. Archery
5. Bowling
6. Gaming (this is a skill. Look at WCG.)
7. Pool (is snooker more appropriate?)
8. Dancing (very recently, and I'm not even decent in this)
9. Running (is this a skill?)

I can't really remember anything else, if they do exist. Anyway, I'm not very good at all at these things, and that leaves me wondering how this fact reflects upon my image. Am I... an excessive personification of the mandarin saying "san fen zhong re du" (which literally translates to 3 minutes of heat), meaning I only give my fullest attention and devotion to something for a very short while, after which passing it on as if I'd never picked it up?

I think this kind of attitude is very dangerous...especially when it comes to more serious things in life such as studying a subject in university, getting a job, getting into a romantic relationship and the culmination of all, getting married. Oh, the horror.

Has 20 years on Earth not been enough for me to accurately identify something in terms of its appeal to me? Oh, I like this! I'll want to do this a lot from now on. And a while later, something else comes along to pique my interest, and I suddenly find the former activity or commitment to be part of my distant past.

On a more current note, what about my zealous, unconditional love for the nine girls that are SNSD? Could there possibly be a time in the near future that I would let go of this emotional attachment and pursue something else? This very thought scares me. Profoundly. What is it, exactly, that binds me so closely to these girls whom I've never met (and probably never will meet), and is this binding emotion or object strong enough to withstand the test of time and possibly some external influence?

Perhaps I can say that I still have a certain interest for the things I've mentioned above, but the thing is, I haven't exactly put in enough time or effort into these things to be able to call myself 'decent' doing them. How disappointing. What's more, I don't really have an excuse other than that of laziness for not having become proficient in them.

"All trades known, all trades dull.", said the Chinese.

Embarrassing.

Something weird happened to be just now.

My mum called earlier, and I told her that I'd be home for dinner and she said okay, and then she wanted me to sms her the optician's number, and I did.

Later, she called again, this time to scold me about being home for dinner despite telling my aunt I'm not earlier today, because of the fact that my aunt tends to cook just enough for everyone who's eating. I said well that's okay, if there's not enough, I'll have instant noodles. She then said why are you eating instant noodles when I pay her to cook?

Thinks to myself : "So what do you want me to do?"

Then she hung up.

She comes home later, throws the key onto the glass table and shouts at me saying "how many times have I told you not to tell your aunt that you're not eating at home?" and goes on with all that 'she cooks just enough' stuff. I already know the main issue here is the fact that she's PAYING and is not getting enough for her money.

...What?

No, seriously, ...what? I was literally scratching my head while listening to my mother rant.

So, you're scolding me because I told my aunt that I'm not having dinner, and then I do, which is apparently wrong because then there won't be enough food (you know what, there WAS enough food. too much for me even on a good day, in fact). Does this boil down to...money?

She spends the next half hour or so throwing things around and slamming doors, not forgetting tossing her plate and utensils hard into the sink after coming out of her room (whose door she'd very conspicuously locked after slamming it for good measure)

Now, this tended to scare me at a younger age...but right now I find it embarrassingly amusing. Things will start to fall apart sooner or later, as a product of her overly expressive anger. Yes, of course it all started from me, but everyone should know that human beings are rational, and anger can be controlled where reason can be seen. A very obvious reason would be the natural unwillingness to see a door ease free of its hinges and come crashing to the timbered floor in the middle of the night, or at any other time for that matter.

Did I mention she burst into my room telling me to "get out because I want to use the computer", at the same time throwing her thumbdrive onto my table? Touchy. Is your anger enough for you to forgo the future use of that thumbdrive?

All this is...interesting. I find myself tickled having to witness such a spectacle, which makes it even more strange because I'm supposed to be on the receiving end. It seems the house is taking all the punishment for me instead. Interesting...

Touchy, touchy. And this, once again, brings me further from Christendom. Is this, perchance, a blessing in disguise?

Yes.

No.

Perhaps?

You shouldn't be feeling this way.

Christendom is good for you!

My mother demonstrates otherwise.

It's not Jesus' fault!

I'd blame Jesus over my mother.

You terrible child.

She's my mother! I should choose her above all else! That makes me a wonderful child, no?

But over a God?

Sue me.

I give up.

Why, thank you!

Argh!

Touchy. Care for a chill pill?