hey hey guys...today was teachers' day celeb...and i ponned JC celebs just to go for the spf one!!! damn this morning i was pissed off. I was supposed to meet ivan at my house void deck at 7:30. It was 7:35 already so i called him...

"hey ivan...where are you...7:30 already."
"huh? 7:30 already meh. 7:18 only what."

F***!!!! lol nvm...ended up waiting for him till 8am...den took bus to spf. raining like wad lah. lame. must be the flat singing LOL. i can't sing for nuts, but believe it, i could do better with good looks and a microphone =)

okay, didn't do much. after that went gai gai with farzana, chenpei and qi zheng...at TM...one of the most boring places in the world...but who's got a choice? lol. everybody lazy to go any further than tamp interchange...so we walked around, went pastamania to eat then went to play arcade...damn bishi bashi champ was fun lol. and the bloody time crisis II the pedal AND gun abit spoil..end up finishing the game with 3 lives and at 7th place...sucks. will do better next time at a different machine =)

yeah, den we were deciding (or rather, me and qizheng) whether to watch Snakes on a Plane with farzana and chenpei...apparently their sole purpose of going there was to catch that movie in the first place. In the end.....hai, xin ruan, went to watch lol....since they pleaded so much. nvm ba, today only 7 bucks hahahaha...not bad. a few shocks, alot of "OUCH!!!", and farzana was trembling with fear...in some kind of deep trauma...lol. chenpei had to hold her head to calm her down (without much result, though). after the movie we walked around and farzana was damn stoned lah...see lah, tell you dun watch that movie lol. but actually quite nice. dun really think it's worth 7 bucks though. i'd rate it 3/5 for the typical kind of storyline...won't share though. wouldn't want to be a spoiler or something =D well anyway, it took her a good half hour to get her senses back and being her usual self...depending on what i define her usual self to be lol.

yeaaahhh...then went home. alone. hahaha. nevermind. as always. chenpei went to orchard to meet her 'partner' and qizheng went with farzana on 69 (ok i think...that sounded a bit wrong...for those who know what that is...damn it.)

*change topic*

I've been digging out my yearbooks lately...and today i went through the 2001,2003 and 2005 ones...to see how nerdy my seniors looked when they were in sec1 buahahahaha. geraldine was chubby, lisa was less red, sheryl was pretty much the same. cheery...haha. then 2003...I wasn't in because i probably wasn't in school that day...2005, when I finally saw myself standing on the third row...and for once, I had smiled properly for the camera...the past few years' photoshoots had been a continual disaster...at least i'd left my mark once...properly.

Brought back a load of memories, it did. Thought about band, about taking my O level results...my life in school, how i'd changed so much into the person i am today. thought about the closest friends I have now, how i came to make them, how i came to know them...how they were always never too far away. ahh...feels good. I suddenly feel a sense of dissociation from my teachers...but...a much stronger bond to the friends I have today...hahahaha. getting emo liao. better stop here...hahahah!

the fondest memories are best remembered and kept close to your heart, and ever in your soul.

did i mention i pissed off james tan today? he sounded as if he had some problem with the alumni so I couldn't take that lying down. shot right back at him and wanted to see what other shit in his sarcastic arsenal he could throw at me. fortunately for him, i cut him some slack and saved the sarcasm for perhaps...sometime later when I'd need it. well, bastards will be bastards...let sleeping dogs lie...buahaha.

tomorrow is a holiday and I frankly intend to study! enough playing...perhaps it should be this way. morning and afternoon = study. night = play and chat...that would be nice. can't study at night because too many distractions...and always thinking who's online who's online...wanna chat on msn lol...

okay, i guess i'll end here...i guess i have plenty of stuffs to think about right now. emotions are running wild...

 praise the world and i am back....tomorrow.....IS A HOLIDAY! well, pretty much self proclaimed. just like i get self proclaimed breaks in school! well, this time, i don't do it for pretty much no reason. Let's take a look why....

this came to me in TPJC mail!

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Dear Colleagues,

Please fiind attached the Programme for next Thursday as finalised by the CMC.

Simon Reynolds

Programme for Thursday 31st August

7:25am Assemble on Field for Flag-Raising and ACES Activity (no way.)

8:20am Normal lessons resume (WHAT THE F***!?)

(Staff -please ensure your students proceed to their classes promptly)

10:50am All Staff and students proceed to the Hall for the Teachers' Day Concert

(Staff with classes till 10:5Oam - please ensure your classes go to the Hall.

Other teachers, please help to ensure that students on their break proceed to the Hall promptly)

11:00am Concert Begins

12:00noon (approx.) Concert ends - Staff Photo taking

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voila....and now you know why i ain't gonna be wakin' up at sunrise tomorrow morning! instead i'll be sleeping like a log throughout the entire thing pretty much. not really lah, gotta wake up early to get to springfield at *tentatively* 9.30am...did you see the ACES thing...got damn it, we're all sixteen to eighteen years old and we'll be damned if you have us providing free visual entertainment for everyone living nearby! THAT IS SO DAMN PRI SCHOOL OKAY!!! and give us a break. Youth Day you gave the lot of us MAKE UP LESSONS so right now...its time for that holiday....to be enjoyed....tomorrow...on YOUR DAY! buahahaha....some of you say i'm a wuss for bearing grudges. buaha. as long as school's involved and i'm contented...who gives a shit? 

and friday is an official school holiday...then the next week is holiday!! 

yes, yes poly people, don't come showing off to me your one month- one month plus holidays, cuz i'm pretty contented with my own. then again, even when it's not holidays, i can always make up my own and excuse myself =)

there are things going on.....alot of things. and i am really trying to take notice, but perhaps i'm just not too physically close enough to really grasp anything that is coming my way.

immature people who are actually capable of mature thinking do not deserve pity or any empathy whatsoever. tell me i'm making a biased, subjective, absolute statement that would be a nice topic to debate over...i don't give two hoots...and those whom i'm talking about (well whaddaya know?) who are reading this, you'd be better off taking this with a pinch of salt...or should i say, a tablespoonful at least.

ahhhhh...why do i even bother. lol. go on, say it. i'm biased, i'm irrational, i'm uncaring, i'm cruel, i'm irresponsible...buahaha....

don't bother.

 muahahaha I came up with a new joke...a MAT joke for revenge against those mats who stole syafiq's N-gage a few days ago...here goes!

what do you call a moth??

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--------------
-------------------

A MAT BUTTERFLY!

know why? ever see moths hiding in one corner between two walls? the mat buttefly is 'relac-ing' one corner dahhhh....

OK LAME!!! haahahahaha....i guess that'll do for today!

I STARTED STUDYING ALREADY!!! OMFG!!! STUDYIN LEIII!!! THE ULTIMATE SLACKER IS STUDYING!!!! ok nvm...today super lame....seee ya guysssss!!!

 hohoho...i'm back! and sheryl sent me this a while ago, and what i'm gonna do...is bold the things i consider TRUE TO ME!!!!! muahahaha.

Dec
This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds (OH MY GOD SO TRUE). Loves music (another true one!). Pretty/handsome (muaha.). Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive (repeated???).

ok ok...bhb'ing session is over...muahahahaha...take care ya'll!

 ahhhh....soccer today was a total disaster. I currently have multiple injuries...two hurting bumps on my right leg, a bruise on my hip, a scratch on my left elbow...my specs was hit and the right lens broke off the damn frame ( i was pissed. lol. but nevermind. part and parcel to get hit in the face ) ...and I wasn't the only one who felt like shit.

Benedict tore a huge portion of skin on his right foot and it bled like crazy. damn alot of us were freaked out by that. I get pissed already when a portion of skin becomes loose, not completely tear off.

Syafiq got this N-gage stolen by one of the fucking mats we played soccer with earlier. Apparently some tatooed mat was talking to aidil, probably to distract him, while someone else sneaked over and stole the phone. Fucking mats. Never trust a damn mat. Lesson learnt...always be on your guard.

Well, so much for fun and laughter. Well, there WAS fun and laughter, but along with a lot of pain... -.-

okay, today got up at about 7 to go to py...i was supposed to meet cy at his house bus stop at 7:30 but he was late for stupid reasons. Apparently he'd woken up at 5am (i won't say why) , taken a jog around his neighbourhood, went to get breakfast then got home at about 7:15. Needless to say he had to take a bath, so he was late, so yeah. We did overture jubiloso today! along with a few other songs...alot of perc seniors came back! qamar, wee huat, farhan and haffiz. Well syafiq asked me to let farhan play the snare, so i was like okay. Anyway the mallets part was much more challenging and fun! though I can't quite perfect it yet. sherlina's always in envy cuz I usually get the parts right. But during combine, nothing to be proud about. hahaha. always miss one note or another. Can even run in a wrong direction lol.

we did a new song too. something called stone mountain fantasy by ed huckeby. I didn't even know he was capable of composing such stuff! it's a very nice song, along with very nice parts. lol. I was enjoying myself playing the bells...I'd won a scissors paper stone game with jiafeng so i got to play =) yeah. pretty nice song. We did acclamations (another song with a huge improvement since like, yesterday). I don't remember doing anything else dah...hahahaha. curse this short term memory. Adding to that, I'm partially blind!

I really feel like going for a laser eye operation, even though some people say the positive effects don't last long. But if i'm not wrong the success percentage of having such an operation is 99.9%. The thing is, that measly 0.1 percent already scares me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life being blind. Half of me tells me to be less of a wuss and go for it...half of me cautions me of the consequences of something going wrong. oh well. I'll leave that for later to decide...first, get my specs lens done. Looks like I'll be burning another 30 bucks.

yeah, i went to band today in my new jeans which i bought from guess...and only siew li said she liked it, and for that i am eternally grateful. usually nobody ever likes my dressing. whether its shoes or shirt or pants...but thanks this time siew li! appreciate it. yup yup. though the 'G' on my left side is a spoiler...but no way am i putting siew li's face on it!!! hahahahah!!!

after band the entire group of alumni went to sumo house to eat...halfway through we were talking about porn and stuff -.- I still couldn't see farzana's nerd smile...lol. wonder how stupid it looks.

and speaking of farzana...i think i was a little too sensitive in there...and i kinda made her feel bad...so i'm sorry for that! yes, i'm apologizing to you now! =)

and after that norman, benedict, kai yee and I took mr poh's van (is that the right way to put it? band world van ba =) ) to ansar cage to play soccer...well 'ansar cage' is actually opposite bethesda church...but i think i know why they don't call it the bethesda cage...probably cant pronounce bethesda...HAHAHAHA!!! okay...nvm. being a little insilting here.

oh yeah, mr poh sent me, adil, benedict and kai yee home...and I was suffering inside the damn van because of the air build up in my stomach..i get this kind of thing most of the time when I play soccer. You know, drink water, den play, breathe alot, so got alot of air. So when I reached home, I switched on the water heater...knelt down in front of the toilet bowl and threw up...and just as i expected, nothing came out, except lots of acidic saliva and a hell of alot of gas. I gotta pay a visit to the doctor to ask him how to stop this...chinese sinseh or western??? dunno...

i am currently alone at home...waiting for my mum and grandma to come home from 'aunty sally' 's house in simei...they had asked me over but I was just too lazy. haha. besides, i went to play soccer, so i didn't have the time.

okayyyy...i think i will stop here. there was supposed to be a post before this like two days ago, but apparently it got deleted somehow. must be myself trying to press back too many times cuz i thought it was published already and pressing back wouldn't affect anything anyway. wanted to edit the post cuz i forgot something....then it was gone. hahaha...oh well. pretty long post too, lemme tell ya. alrights....take care ya'll!

 Hey guys, I know I haven't been updating my blog for like 10 days now, so here's something to fill those empty spaces. I ain't gonna say much, maybe except for something I experienced two or so days ago. Pretty weird situation, lemme tell ya.

It was a dream. can't really say if it was good or bad, but it was certainly one of those dreams I get every few weeks, where everything is jumbled up and lined up in some fashion I cannot possibly identify. And the different thing about this is, that none of what I saw in that dream of mine was anything I had done that week, or anytime in my life for that matter.

I dreamt of myself nearly committing suicide!

Now that's scary. Here's how I remember it : I was standing high above the ground on what seemed to be the empire state building or something (why america?)...I remember looking down on the endless flow of cars on the four or six laned streets below. There was some sort of pole extended out from a wall behind me and it reached out to over the barrier that separated viewing area from open space. I think I climbed onto that barrier while holding on to the pole above me. Then I grabbed it and started moving towards open space. As I couldn't feel the barrier under my feet anymore, I was pretty much suspended in the air. And most probably at that time, I wanted to let go. No, I don't know why I wanted to end it! And the weird thing is that I think I remember my mum standing in the safe area, arms folded. Encouraging me to let go. Now that's something to ponder.

Alot of things were going on in my head at that time. Enough to distract me from everything going on below.

All I had to do was let go. I think I tried, but everytime a split second before I did, I didn't, probably scared to face what would come after death, punishment for not appreciating my life, or maybe I remembered that I had so many things left to accomplish, so manh more to achieve, so many things in life I'd wanted but haven't gotten my hands on. And each time these thoughts left my mind I'd start swaying back and forth on that wobbly pole, wanting to let go. It was like I was saying to myself :

"If I let go, everything will end (I don't want it do end) ... Can't see my loved ones anymore (I wan't to see my loved ones everyday) ..."

Simple as that...I don't quite remember what happened next. But I do know that...

I didn't let go.

... okay...that was weird. hahahahaha. feeling depressed now are we? well I sorta am. =) okay today I had econs test...essay 1hr and some BE insights thing for 2hrs...bloody long la. Sit until ass pain...or as my friend put it in a huff "ass lan liao". Had to wake up early today to make it to school before 8am...I actually intended on studying a little RIGHT BEFORE the exam, but in the end there was no time. Fortunately I could do both with ease! I don't really know if I can do well enough to put a smile on my teacher's face (or mine) though. Bloody hell, I could write about so many things (relevant stuff too!) during the essay, and it was so smooth sailing till I started drawing a positive externality (what the hell is that, huh?) graph...

stunned.

HAHAHA...dunno how to draw...its always that stupid graph I forget to draw. nevermind. It's only one graph. hahahaha. and I think I explained it correctly in words anyway. The BE insights thing was pretty interesting...supposed to assess, analyse, give comments and stuff on a particular article den use the other articles to cross reference and write an essay on the thing...kind of like being an economic critic -.-" but it was on handphones so yeah, I could relate to that stuff.

okay so it ended at like 11:50 so I ended up at PY at 12:45 -.-" 15 minutes before band prac ended. But that was enough for me! They played overture jubiloso and when I took a look at the snare-bass score the first thing that came to my mind was...

"ooh...this should be fun."

Sometimes I don't understand why people can take a look at 'difficult' scores and then faint. If someone sees a score as being difficult then damn right it'll be difficult...look at it positively with an open mind and everybody'll be just fine! the mallet score was interesting too. Too bad I couldn't get a closer look at it. and mr poh was wearing a pair of new specs with transition lens...in the sun he looked like some mafia boss cuz his lenses darkened to the UV rays and made him look like he was wearing sunglasses. He said they weren't good...thank god I didn't get those. Almost did when I made my half frames...

and stop saying the lenses are thick!!!!! i don't like it either...overlooked the fact that the lenses were too big for my face...MY OAKLEY IS COMING BACK SOON OKAY!!

Kinda felt alot of warmth from the percussion section today, although I didn't say much to all of them. It was just good to be together with them I guess. I miss those times during the Outdoor period when the percussion section was like one big family...although perhaps not as united as our batch last time, but everytime I see them perform on the field with all their heart and soul, it felt great. Like a mum seeing her son take his first step into university...yeah. That kind of feeling I guess. hahahahahaha...sort of okay. Maybe it's not the best interpretation or example for you guys, but it works for me!

and last but not least...

I WANT MY 1.5K GRANT TO BUILD MY NEW COMPUTER THANKS!

 Today was kampung ubi cc performance...my first impression of it was very informal...but the ceremony was just fine. I see that not many of the residents who turned up were very 'upbeat' in showing their patriotism. Sometimes people are just like that. Go for the sake of going, mingle around, queue for the free goodies. Probably the case among typical Singaporeans these days. But the performance was no less fun either, though I do agree that the rehearsals for it in the band room were much more exhilaratingly enjoyable...Alumni band is starting! I can't wait!

Well yesterday I was in TPJC from 6:30am to around 10am, after which I went to marina square with the guys from our class (always guys together one). We reached there at around 11 den stayed there till around 4pm...quite a damn long time, considering all we did was play pool, arcade and bowl. Oops did I mention a few of us waiting on the waiting list for over an hour to play LAN? damn that was unnerving. So we actually ended up watching the rest bowl cuz we didn't have any money left =)

After that we split, and my group went home...kinda rushed home cuz I had to meet my 4G classmates at 6pm and by the time I reached tampines it was already 5:15 -.-" well the sense of urgency was overwhelmed by culinary temptation...I stopped to drink soup my grandma prepared after I took a bath just to give her the respect and appreciation. So I ended up reaching the mrt station at 6:20 -.- damn, I didn't expect them to be so punctual. all waiting for me =D

Well we went to chong pang...walked all the goddamnit way there from the mrt station okay. There was a hell of alot of people camping (CS term for lying in wait) around the mrt station...and the bus stop was well...you'd say "fuck!" after taking one look =) so we walked there. It gave us alot more space to talk about school and crap around...it was really fun, just like how we always used to hang out when we were back in school together. I tell you ah, I've not seen all of them for so long and never did I imagine that they would become SO DAMNIT LAME!!!!!!!! well they appreciated my super lame jokes though. hahahahahaha. just goes to show that I aint that bad...

Okay, so we ate at chong pang...the bloody butter was sputtering around and all of us got hit over and over again...and chang yuan wasn't there cuz apparently he had some kind of 'cousin outing'. Well, I trust him on that. hahahaha. We managed to catch the fireworks show in the middle of dinner too (middle of dinner = 9pm??) ...not as spectacular as I expected it to be though. And I didn't get to meet whoever I was expecting to be there for the show. Sheryl...Farzana...Siew Li...Chen Pei...well, at least I had the guys with me!

Went to marina square (YES, SECOND TIME OF THE DAY FOR ME) and the citylink was what the fuck crowded lah...we were like a group of fish swimming against a current of other fish heading in the other direction. Seriously it felt like swimming against a current. Took a few pics of the overwhelming view...totally people, people, people, everywhere we looked. Well when we finally reached marina...at around 11pm...I MET ESTHER!!!! =D esther dear...have you shrunk or have I unknowingly grown? You really seemed...well...under the weather yesterday, if you know what I mean =p but then again, if I were to use that description...aren't we all? =) okay so we spent the next few hours playing in the arcade.

I watched some chinese guy with his own pair of black drumsticks playing the drums in the arcade and everyone was like crowding around him...he SEEMED good, just because he played at a higher speed. but like me, he looked like he practiced his songs too many times before. And they weren't half as difficult as what I usually play. So no embarrassment in that! if i'd brought my own drumsticks I'd show him a thing or two...oh well. Played LAN too. hahahaha. that was exactly how we ended our long day...by playing CS...

hao yi's MJ friend abel was there too. Hao yi said he was a super CS pro cuz he played that game everyday...for long hours. Training, perhaps? But to me he wasn't even my standard...I mean my standard in my training mode...which is years ago. hahahaha. that is...almost god like. Well I enjoyed playing with him though. I always fancy a challenge!! =)

Took cab home after that with hao yi, his friend abel and chang yuan...and cy had to drop at my house because the cab fare was getting to scary =) sorry man.

thats all....

tired?

so am i.

 The word 'hopeless' has never had any meaning to me up to today, because I simply do not want to accept this as a fact for anything in life. But today I think I've found some meaning to it. And what can I use to substantiate that?

I think spf band is hopeless.

I really do wonder sometimes what the hell is it that goes through their heads. What happened to their spirit, their discipline, their rationality, their pride. What became of their training and why are some individuals' leadership qualities slowly waning? I, for one, am starting to lose hope that springfield marching band is going to collapse on itself before anyone tries to save it. They're already losing their foundation and soon the skyscraper we took so long to build is going to crumble in a heap.

And what scares me is that they will not rebuild it again.

The 'Titans Building' didn't actually crumble after the break. What it did do was just separate into two different buildings, namely the PY and SPF buildings...and for now, the PY building still stands mighty strong amongst all others. But the SPF building...it's starting to lose its grip on the ground. And it's not because of external matters that this is happening. The foundation of any band is its MEMBERS...and from what I see the members are doing NOTHING at all to ensure that the strength of the band, both musically and discpline wise, is maintained from Outdoor standard all the way till now. From the way I see it, these guys don't give two hoots [or should I say, don't give a fuck] about where the band is going to go. Sure, SOME seniors are working towards bringing the band forward, but its mostly the juniors and some fucked up, insensitive, irrational, self centered, compassion deprived seniors who are pulling the band back to where it started.

And they intend to keep it there, I suppose.

I just don't know what to say about those guys...I see alot of effort coming out of those who really want to try, but for those who don't, well, no matter how hard someone tries, it's always another person who brings him or her down. So I'll keep it simple for all to see and understand.

"NOBODY IS GOING TO HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T FUCKING HELP YOURSELF"

And THAT is how fucking pissed off I am about the band's attitude. Lousy attitude, hopeless discipline...and the music is nowhere near where its supposed to be. So fucking what if you're just 'half a band'? I'm sorry if the hard working ones are reading this, but I gotta tell you, it's one band one sound, and if just ONE of you guys are fucked up, well, then sorry to say you all are.

I have no intention of ranting about this to anybody, and it's not really in my capability to scold anyone, but if there was someplace where I could pour out everything and scold the shit out of anyone indirectly, it would be right here.

And soon you'll see that everything you've worked for up to this day is starting to diminish gradually...till you become a ghost, and fade into obscurity again. Just like how you were before we got the Gold in 2004. Just like that...And how are we alumni supposed to feel? Are we supposed to respect your decision to bring the band down to the ground, when we've spent too much time trying our guts out to make this band the best that it could ever be? We can't do anything now. You gotta understand. In springfield, there are obstacles.

Obstacle number 1 : Mrs tang, that fucked up principal of yours, who only cares about academics
Obstable number 2 : James tan, that ball-ess fucker who only cares about doing his fucking job (and keeping it)
and obstacle number 3 : you guys.

How do I put it; you guys have to overcome the difficulties amongst yourselves before you can go on to conquer others...well simply put

"Conquer the Mind, Achieve the Dream"

Screw the Titans split. The spirit still lives on, am I right? And so our virtues stay in our hearts and souls. haiiiii...I just get a real bad heartache seeing the band like that. Its like, everyone's attitude is back to how they were in sec1. The only difference is that you guys can play your music.

Oh did I say that? I take that back. You don't even put in effort to go memorise your scores, and besides that, memorising and trying to play WELL instead of just playing for the sake of playing. I really wonder if you guys are content with the performances you've been showing to us and to the school. Screw the school, it sucks! but does that mean that the band has to stoop to the school's level too? I leave that up to you to decide.

CARRY ON LIKE THIS, AND WE ALL LOSE HOPE IN YOU! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TIRELESS SPIRIT AND ENDLESS DETERMINATION? NOBODY CAN HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP YOURSELF!