Hey guys, I know I haven't been updating my blog for like 10 days now, so here's something to fill those empty spaces. I ain't gonna say much, maybe except for something I experienced two or so days ago. Pretty weird situation, lemme tell ya.
It was a dream. can't really say if it was good or bad, but it was certainly one of those dreams I get every few weeks, where everything is jumbled up and lined up in some fashion I cannot possibly identify. And the different thing about this is, that none of what I saw in that dream of mine was anything I had done that week, or anytime in my life for that matter.
I dreamt of myself nearly committing suicide!
Now that's scary. Here's how I remember it : I was standing high above the ground on what seemed to be the empire state building or something (why america?)...I remember looking down on the endless flow of cars on the four or six laned streets below. There was some sort of pole extended out from a wall behind me and it reached out to over the barrier that separated viewing area from open space. I think I climbed onto that barrier while holding on to the pole above me. Then I grabbed it and started moving towards open space. As I couldn't feel the barrier under my feet anymore, I was pretty much suspended in the air. And most probably at that time, I wanted to let go. No, I don't know why I wanted to end it! And the weird thing is that I think I remember my mum standing in the safe area, arms folded. Encouraging me to let go. Now that's something to ponder.
Alot of things were going on in my head at that time. Enough to distract me from everything going on below.
All I had to do was let go. I think I tried, but everytime a split second before I did, I didn't, probably scared to face what would come after death, punishment for not appreciating my life, or maybe I remembered that I had so many things left to accomplish, so manh more to achieve, so many things in life I'd wanted but haven't gotten my hands on. And each time these thoughts left my mind I'd start swaying back and forth on that wobbly pole, wanting to let go. It was like I was saying to myself :
"If I let go, everything will end (I don't want it do end) ... Can't see my loved ones anymore (I wan't to see my loved ones everyday) ..."
Simple as that...I don't quite remember what happened next. But I do know that...
I didn't let go.
... okay...that was weird. hahahahaha. feeling depressed now are we? well I sorta am. =) okay today I had econs test...essay 1hr and some BE insights thing for 2hrs...bloody long la. Sit until ass pain...or as my friend put it in a huff "ass lan liao". Had to wake up early today to make it to school before 8am...I actually intended on studying a little RIGHT BEFORE the exam, but in the end there was no time. Fortunately I could do both with ease! I don't really know if I can do well enough to put a smile on my teacher's face (or mine) though. Bloody hell, I could write about so many things (relevant stuff too!) during the essay, and it was so smooth sailing till I started drawing a positive externality (what the hell is that, huh?) graph...
stunned.
HAHAHA...dunno how to draw...its always that stupid graph I forget to draw. nevermind. It's only one graph. hahahaha. and I think I explained it correctly in words anyway. The BE insights thing was pretty interesting...supposed to assess, analyse, give comments and stuff on a particular article den use the other articles to cross reference and write an essay on the thing...kind of like being an economic critic -.-" but it was on handphones so yeah, I could relate to that stuff.
okay so it ended at like 11:50 so I ended up at PY at 12:45 -.-" 15 minutes before band prac ended. But that was enough for me! They played overture jubiloso and when I took a look at the snare-bass score the first thing that came to my mind was...
"ooh...this should be fun."
Sometimes I don't understand why people can take a look at 'difficult' scores and then faint. If someone sees a score as being difficult then damn right it'll be difficult...look at it positively with an open mind and everybody'll be just fine! the mallet score was interesting too. Too bad I couldn't get a closer look at it. and mr poh was wearing a pair of new specs with transition lens...in the sun he looked like some mafia boss cuz his lenses darkened to the UV rays and made him look like he was wearing sunglasses. He said they weren't good...thank god I didn't get those. Almost did when I made my half frames...
and stop saying the lenses are thick!!!!! i don't like it either...overlooked the fact that the lenses were too big for my face...MY OAKLEY IS COMING BACK SOON OKAY!!
Kinda felt alot of warmth from the percussion section today, although I didn't say much to all of them. It was just good to be together with them I guess. I miss those times during the Outdoor period when the percussion section was like one big family...although perhaps not as united as our batch last time, but everytime I see them perform on the field with all their heart and soul, it felt great. Like a mum seeing her son take his first step into university...yeah. That kind of feeling I guess. hahahahahaha...sort of okay. Maybe it's not the best interpretation or example for you guys, but it works for me!
and last but not least...
I WANT MY 1.5K GRANT TO BUILD MY NEW COMPUTER THANKS!
It was a dream. can't really say if it was good or bad, but it was certainly one of those dreams I get every few weeks, where everything is jumbled up and lined up in some fashion I cannot possibly identify. And the different thing about this is, that none of what I saw in that dream of mine was anything I had done that week, or anytime in my life for that matter.
I dreamt of myself nearly committing suicide!
Now that's scary. Here's how I remember it : I was standing high above the ground on what seemed to be the empire state building or something (why america?)...I remember looking down on the endless flow of cars on the four or six laned streets below. There was some sort of pole extended out from a wall behind me and it reached out to over the barrier that separated viewing area from open space. I think I climbed onto that barrier while holding on to the pole above me. Then I grabbed it and started moving towards open space. As I couldn't feel the barrier under my feet anymore, I was pretty much suspended in the air. And most probably at that time, I wanted to let go. No, I don't know why I wanted to end it! And the weird thing is that I think I remember my mum standing in the safe area, arms folded. Encouraging me to let go. Now that's something to ponder.
Alot of things were going on in my head at that time. Enough to distract me from everything going on below.
All I had to do was let go. I think I tried, but everytime a split second before I did, I didn't, probably scared to face what would come after death, punishment for not appreciating my life, or maybe I remembered that I had so many things left to accomplish, so manh more to achieve, so many things in life I'd wanted but haven't gotten my hands on. And each time these thoughts left my mind I'd start swaying back and forth on that wobbly pole, wanting to let go. It was like I was saying to myself :
"If I let go, everything will end (I don't want it do end) ... Can't see my loved ones anymore (I wan't to see my loved ones everyday) ..."
Simple as that...I don't quite remember what happened next. But I do know that...
I didn't let go.
... okay...that was weird. hahahahaha. feeling depressed now are we? well I sorta am. =) okay today I had econs test...essay 1hr and some BE insights thing for 2hrs...bloody long la. Sit until ass pain...or as my friend put it in a huff "ass lan liao". Had to wake up early today to make it to school before 8am...I actually intended on studying a little RIGHT BEFORE the exam, but in the end there was no time. Fortunately I could do both with ease! I don't really know if I can do well enough to put a smile on my teacher's face (or mine) though. Bloody hell, I could write about so many things (relevant stuff too!) during the essay, and it was so smooth sailing till I started drawing a positive externality (what the hell is that, huh?) graph...
stunned.
HAHAHA...dunno how to draw...its always that stupid graph I forget to draw. nevermind. It's only one graph. hahahaha. and I think I explained it correctly in words anyway. The BE insights thing was pretty interesting...supposed to assess, analyse, give comments and stuff on a particular article den use the other articles to cross reference and write an essay on the thing...kind of like being an economic critic -.-" but it was on handphones so yeah, I could relate to that stuff.
okay so it ended at like 11:50 so I ended up at PY at 12:45 -.-" 15 minutes before band prac ended. But that was enough for me! They played overture jubiloso and when I took a look at the snare-bass score the first thing that came to my mind was...
"ooh...this should be fun."
Sometimes I don't understand why people can take a look at 'difficult' scores and then faint. If someone sees a score as being difficult then damn right it'll be difficult...look at it positively with an open mind and everybody'll be just fine! the mallet score was interesting too. Too bad I couldn't get a closer look at it. and mr poh was wearing a pair of new specs with transition lens...in the sun he looked like some mafia boss cuz his lenses darkened to the UV rays and made him look like he was wearing sunglasses. He said they weren't good...thank god I didn't get those. Almost did when I made my half frames...
and stop saying the lenses are thick!!!!! i don't like it either...overlooked the fact that the lenses were too big for my face...MY OAKLEY IS COMING BACK SOON OKAY!!
Kinda felt alot of warmth from the percussion section today, although I didn't say much to all of them. It was just good to be together with them I guess. I miss those times during the Outdoor period when the percussion section was like one big family...although perhaps not as united as our batch last time, but everytime I see them perform on the field with all their heart and soul, it felt great. Like a mum seeing her son take his first step into university...yeah. That kind of feeling I guess. hahahahahaha...sort of okay. Maybe it's not the best interpretation or example for you guys, but it works for me!
and last but not least...
I WANT MY 1.5K GRANT TO BUILD MY NEW COMPUTER THANKS!
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