don'T be seeIn thInGs wrongLy.

ok...sammie didn't come for the kranji camp prac today cuz she went to malaysia...can't entirely blame her though...was forced by her mum...I always get into the same situation, and i can admit here that i dun always take responsibility to argue myself out of it, but i guess it's too late for that now. The same goes for sammie; i'm not pointing fingers directly at her, but if i were in her shoes, i would've gotten myself to band no matter what, especially for something as important as this. Yishun Town SS and Bowen SS, FULL ATTENDANCE, 64 members each, no holes, maximum progress, great show. Springfield and Ping Yi SS combined squads of 128 members, 13 plus holes, slow progress, not the best of shows (i guess). Not criticizing the band, man. Really need to put in more effort to really produce something good. It aint easy marching in the hot sun, kneelin down on jagged, sharp surfaces, holdin instruments up high, pushing your air all the way, but it's got to be done right? Top 4 display band in Singapore, first gold medal in 2004, surely people expect more?

If i were to apologize to her now, i could. call me now, I'd say it to your face and we'd all feel good. but it just doesn't cut it. It won't work...I really dun wan this to happen, but this ends now, no matter what. All i need is for you to put in your all in whatever you do, everytime do your best, the Titans Best. That's all. Not everything's your fault, I know. I know you've done enough, at least enough for other people to notice. But nothing is ever enough, and you should know that.

I know u expected something better out of me from my msges...but I'm sorry and I really had to do it. I wanted to make ya feel good, but I couldn't. I'm just sorry okay? I have nothing else to say...

It's a whoLe new worLd....

what's up with people these days? I take a look around and I see so many changes...some so drastic, more quite subtle yet to disturbing...Maybe it's because i'm too sensitive so I can't adapt to how people constantly change...their attitudes, appearance, the way they speak and react...everything seems different now. How come so many people are having problems now? it's human nature to complicate things but not in this proportion...now everything seems like an indomitable abyss..........and their life just ends there...stops in time till who knows when?

To tell ya the truth, I have absolutely no idea why I juz typed the 6 lines above....maybe it just cropped up in my mind so I had to type it down...The past few weeks...wait, the past MONTH without blogging has resulted in an overload in my chest...too many things happening in too little a time. Take the balloon hat festival for one, went quite well, but not at all satisfied with my own performance...never did well at all...except for the 40 minute performance...can say I wasn't in tip top shape when we marched off. Face tightened at the beach, arms stiffen, can't move my wrists...stop playing. The motivation just stops there...no more drive, no more fire...I was doused. The crowd wasn't in the least what I expected...I probably overestimated the number.

Now the main concern is NDP...stupid SAF ppl and NDP planning committee...the formations they came up with were crappy...although I can't say I'd do better in their shoes. Today did all the formations including instrumentals...can say did very well! I'm sure the band camp on monday they'll do even better. Are those SAF guys in for a surprise on monday....muahaha...Finally I had some grasp of the formations...now I can ReALLY start helping out when the band is on the netball court. Sometimes I just feel so useless just standing there and not knowing when they are moving or something. Now I just hope my percussion section can do the same with the formations as they did today after band with their 'extra' practice...BASS DRUMS BRING DOWN THE HOUSE!!! lol...power sia they all...amirrul especially...really respect him for his patience and energy.

Really looking forward to spendin some quality time with her...heEz...Although i must say I already have...a few times...just doesn't seem enough! every minute with her feels like a second cuz it just doesn't make up for the amount of time we actually aren't together...well...maybe next time?

Now I just realized something...while at orchard just now and actually earlier in school. MY STROKES SUCK NOW! damn, after seeing zack's impromptu on the snare, my jaw dropped and my hands juz started trembling. HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT!? I just don't believe it's his macework that's given him such speed and flair on the snare...how does he do it man...dun care, muz push myself to become better than him!! I can....I must...I WILL!!! =p

*lovE u saMmiE.....!!!!*