what do i love, who do i love
Its been a long time since i've last updated my blog; i think many of you will know why. this is a common excuse : "I need an inspiration for myself to blog, if not i won't do it at all." well, im blogging now cuz i do have an 'inspiration' of sorts, more like something compelling me to do it; inspirations in all the wrong places.
I can never forgive myself for what I have allowed to become, the one who sometimes dictates my life has banned me from what I love most, at least, for the time being. But this moment in time is crucial, as with the others, because of what I am missing, who I am missing, what I cannot do, not being able to do what I love to do. It seems as though going through these few days will be like walking through an endless desert with no hope of finding deliverance. I've let my juniors down, for not being able to bring them higher, I've let Mr Poh down, for not being able to ease his difficulties with the band by bringing up the section, I've let my seniors down, many of whom see me as one who does not give up band for anything. I've let my friends down, for not being able to spend time with them, laugh with them, joke with them, share our troubles. Most hurtingly, I've let myself down, for indirectly barring myself from what I truly love most : Band.
Being confined to the home is one of the worst things that can happen to me. Many will say, You've got a computer. You can play it all day long and forget everything else... Games are not my life. They're just there to fill up the empty spaces in my heart, when I have nothing else to fill them with. ok, many would be surprised and perhaps appalled by this statement, but I do believe that i've had my friends to fill up the empty space that used to belong to my dad, lost almost sixteen years ago to the One who created me.
Friends are one of the most important things to me. They're like a second family, one which I love equally as much as I do my own. They show care, concern, give me confidence and relief. In the very least, I always have someone to turn to, to look up to, to look forward to; to confide in, to seek advice, to share my troubles without them being irritated. So many things friends can do with me and for me, I can't possibly list them all. I love my friends. Nothing's going to change that.
well, thanks for sparing me this small mercy and going through this entry. I've gotten much off my chest since days ago. It's time to go out and face my weary troubles again.
I can never forgive myself for what I have allowed to become, the one who sometimes dictates my life has banned me from what I love most, at least, for the time being. But this moment in time is crucial, as with the others, because of what I am missing, who I am missing, what I cannot do, not being able to do what I love to do. It seems as though going through these few days will be like walking through an endless desert with no hope of finding deliverance. I've let my juniors down, for not being able to bring them higher, I've let Mr Poh down, for not being able to ease his difficulties with the band by bringing up the section, I've let my seniors down, many of whom see me as one who does not give up band for anything. I've let my friends down, for not being able to spend time with them, laugh with them, joke with them, share our troubles. Most hurtingly, I've let myself down, for indirectly barring myself from what I truly love most : Band.
Being confined to the home is one of the worst things that can happen to me. Many will say, You've got a computer. You can play it all day long and forget everything else... Games are not my life. They're just there to fill up the empty spaces in my heart, when I have nothing else to fill them with. ok, many would be surprised and perhaps appalled by this statement, but I do believe that i've had my friends to fill up the empty space that used to belong to my dad, lost almost sixteen years ago to the One who created me.
Friends are one of the most important things to me. They're like a second family, one which I love equally as much as I do my own. They show care, concern, give me confidence and relief. In the very least, I always have someone to turn to, to look up to, to look forward to; to confide in, to seek advice, to share my troubles without them being irritated. So many things friends can do with me and for me, I can't possibly list them all. I love my friends. Nothing's going to change that.
well, thanks for sparing me this small mercy and going through this entry. I've gotten much off my chest since days ago. It's time to go out and face my weary troubles again.
