For the sake of those who actually read my blog and care about how I'm doing:

I am perpetually bored.

Driving is easy, safety is not.

All female dentists remind me of my cousin Yilin for some reason.

The redshirts said they'll pull out by Sunday, which puts me somewhat at ease.

I have been gymming solo, which is damn boring but damn productive.

I'm neglecting Map of Bones, the new James Rollins I bought a week ago, even though it's an excellent read.

I've 11 posters. Eleven. Of Girls' Generation in my room right now, and both my grandma and mum are thrilled. Surprise, surprise. By the way, I've Christopher to thank for the fact that I have them.

Sony Ericsson X10 price went up unexpectedly, which sets back my plan to replace my NS phone indefinitely. Damn.

I need to get out of this country because I'm so bored and I feel trapped.

I'm pissed because even when I have the means to go to Korea, I've no one to go with me.

Oh, I've got a new computer, though that should've been at the top of this post. Nothing to brag about.

Did I mention I was bored? Yeah, I'm bored.

Ciao.

I've come to realize how long it's been since I've typed a blog entry with any hint of emotion. Well, there were those occasional moments, but what I felt was nothing compared to the pain-ridden entries I used to write back in the day.

Remember those times, in 2006-2008? Yeah, that's right. The outdoor times.

Mr Poh shared a link with me on FB and I checked it out, and was mightily surprised to find that it was the link to my own blog; to an archive dated 8 April 2006. 14 days before the 2006 SYF Outdoor. I read through it and was...rather taken aback. Was this really me? The 'me' who put everything he had into the Titans Marching Band whenever he could? The 'me' who hated and cursed school just because it kept him from attending theTitans' band practices?

I think back to those days and I recall them with both bitter nostalgia and intensely sweet joy. Those were the days which I led with focus and purpose; probably not in the best sense, but they did teach me a thing or two about maturity, love and the power of spirit and determination. Those were the days were I had a second family many times bigger than my own; people I loved and cherished and took great joy in seeing every day. Who gets bored of people who are dedicated and fun?

Now I look at myself in the mirror and ask...what has become of that person? Compared to what I was in the past, I could very well consider myself homeless. How could I have fooled myself into breaking an attachment that ran so deep in my blood and into the very root of my soul, thinking that I'd moved on; replayed countless useless scenarios which sought to enforce that decision though they now seem completely moronic to me? How could I have left my home, shunned those whom I loved and lied to myself about where I did and did not belong? How could I have left the Titans Marching Band?

I say it with pride that after 2006, I became an alumnus of Ping Yi Marching Band. Sure, I could be seen as a traitor to many SPF loyalists, but it was a choice I had to make, and that I did. I don't have to explain why I did it, but suffice it to say that it was a choice I never regretted. I still consider myself an alumnus of PYMB, though I find it difficult to imagine myself so because of my lack of commitment and dedication, well, at least, compared to that which I had a few years ago. I can only wonder...do I really deserve to be an alumnus of this band?

I don't know what exactly defines an alumni other than the fact that he/she is a graduate from the band and decides to come back to help out and stuff, but when it comes to loyalty and dedication, those are things I place great emphasis on. Personally, if you don't show your commitment to something, you don't deserve to do it. So do I deserve a place with PYMB? That's something I'm not exactly sure of, and I don't think it's a question that I can answer myself.

"Regret is a useless emotion." - I remember saying this to my juniors, albeit with a different meaning at the time.

All I feel now is regret.

Where do I belong?

A night of endless slapstick fun and a rather embarrassing fixation.

Zombie-fied =.=

I don't know who to ask, or what to say...but with the utmost sincerity and humility I ask of but one thing.

I have a dream for 2010. A really big dream. I fear that this is the only time I will ever have the chance to make it come true.

All I ask is for this dream to come true this year. Just this once.

My love is true, and my heart is pure. Just this once...can my wish be granted?

Just this once...let my dream come true.

Call me crazy, but it's past 11pm now (which means a new day has begun in Seoul), and I can't help but feel a little sad that a wondrous day has passed.

No, nothing happened to me today! I woke up at 9:30am to a call from an agent at Adecco offering me a job opening, which I accepted. I then spent the rest of the day sitting in front of the computer, doing the random stuff that I invariably find myself doing everyday.

I didn't meet any new people, didn't have a great time with my friends...and the only things that made me smile were the old SNSD videos that I'd decided to watch again to relive the beginning of my fanboy days. Good times.

I didn't help an old lady cross the street, nor did I do any other good deeds.

I was just being...me.

But today was a special day. It was a very special day for someone so near, yet so far away.

Call me crazy, people. Today was Kim Taeyeon's birthday.

Today, 21 years ago, someone was born into this world who would grow up to spread her love with a zest and passion that would be an inspiration for many. And she did it whilst holding hands with 8 other hopefuls who have stepped out of their comfort zone, showing the world what the years of training, countless hours of sweat and tears have moulded them into. And what fine sculptures they had turned out to be.

Today, 21 years ago, Girls' Generation's leader Kim Taeyeon was born. It was a worldwide blessing 18 years in the making. It was a blessing showered upon us when the girls debuted in 2007.

If I were to identify just one feeling I felt throughout today...it would be thankfulness. Thankfulness that amongst all the others in this world whom we've come to love and treasure, we have Taeyeon to join that exclusive circle.

Haha...look at me, I'm pouring out some sort of one-sided love or something. Fanboys can be a little strange sometimes, huh? Well I can't help it, honestly, because I feel that this is something I have to say. I have to say it because it comes from the very bottom of my heart. I feel proud to share the love that hundreds of thousands of sones all over the world have for these girls. I feel proud that whenever the girls cross my mind, I sometimes stop to say a little prayer to whomever would accept it. Be healthy. Be safe. Be happy.

And today has passed, and the only thing we can do is move forward; leaving yet another milestone behind. As time moves ever forward, the plot of life thickens, complexities weaving with mysteries shrouded in enigmas that continue to unfold around us, little by little, leaving us completely and utterly confused at ever corner we turn.

I want to dream with you forever, girls. I want to dream with you forever Taeyeon. We all love you very dearly, and I sincerely hope you know that. Wherever you are and whatever you do, we will always be behind you as the sones who will never give up, just like you never gave up.

I hope you've had lots of smiles, fun and laughter today! I know you can't hear me like this...but perhaps somehow, my sincerity will touch your heart in even the tiniest way. Be healthy, be safe and be happy our beloved Kim Taeyeon =)

We will always love you =)

The girls are having their encore concert today and tomorrow in Seoul.

And I'm still here.

WHAT THE F***

There are a million and one things to express from oneself but almost always no way to do it.

Such a bother.