Went for band at PY this morning. Had no idea how tired I was until I actually left the house; I'd slept at like 2am last night. Had quite a good time teaching the section...combine was pretty fun too. Laughing and smiling in band with genuine sincerity has been hard, but today I felt some of the restraints loosen, and I felt less alienated. Went for dinner after band at KFC; funny how I found myself there after telling myself so long ago to boycott it.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your time came and you left before you or anyone else was ready? What have you done in your lifetime to be deserving of being remembered and missed? Had you lived your life trying so hard to be someone else, out of envy or desperation, and thus labeled yourself as something more fictitious than anything else in everyone's memories? Or have you striven to be nothing more than yourself, having people around you accept you just the way you are, flaws or not, spectacular, or not?

Would you be begging for forgiveness? Or would you be being asked of it? What would you have said to the ones you loved and cared dearly for? Tell them the things you've always wanted to say but never did; tell them how sorry you were for leaving?

And when the heart stops beating and you finally die...who will stay by your side and cry?