It probably wasn't just a new, refreshing experience, or an adventure for the heart and soul. It wasn't a game in which anyone could have won or lost, or an endeavour that needed finishing.
It was more of a sort of completion, something to make me feel whole again, something that could make me feel deserving of living this life; that could fill in all the empty niches inside. It was something that gave me the strength to live my life to the fullest and learn to better appreciate the subtle joys in everyday struggles, whatever they may be. It took pain away, or in the very least alleviated it, and replaced it with a kind of euphoria you don't find anywhere else. It gave me a sense of security, knowing that somebody cared, that there was always someone to look to, to lean on.
You might not know it, but men need assurance just as much as women do. In fact, in this context, men could very well be the 'weaker sex' as compared to women. You have no idea how weak we can become when under this influence. We submit to manipulation, we succumb to the stomach churning sensations that keep haunting us every waking moment, we become, in a way, blind. We try so hard to be nice, just to see the happiness in their eyes. Sometimes too hard. And every single time, we believe it's worth it. We revel in the very belief that every sacrifice we make just to please them is as honourable as it is the right thing to do. It's a conviction we will never cease to have. It could be our strength as much as it could become our own downfall.
Most importantly though...in it we can find our strength. It would become, irrevocably, our fortification. It accentuates our confidence, and implants in us emotions all human beings are born to feel, but never had since birth.
It isn't uncommon to have a man say this to a woman :
You complete me.
Yes...they do.
And so I came to believe that for all of my life I had lived has but half a person, struggling unknowingly against time and environment, under a myriad circumstances, the shades of each differing immeasurably. Half a person, until I found something to complete me, to make me feel alive, to give me the strength to fight all battles. And that completion was bliss. It was an overwhelming inflow of unconditional serenity and security. It gave me hope; something I don't find easily, simply because I learned that hope is what makes us vulnerable. But I didn't mind hoping in this case. It's never a crime to dream...it only comes back to haunt you as a frightening nightmare when hope starts to backfire.
And so I was complete...albeit for a while. I can now say that I've been able to experience that feeling; another 'what if' in life answered, though perhaps only partially. It's funny how I remember the words I heard that night. It's not exact, though. I do have a fuzzy memory.
"I'm glad we got the answers to the questions we had, and if this doesn't work out, then I guess it's all I'm going to get."
Sounds...superficial, but understandable if you don't feel comfortable placing ownership on something you're not entirely confident of being able to keep.
The thing is...
That wasn't everything I was prepared to give.
It was...just the beginning.
It was more of a sort of completion, something to make me feel whole again, something that could make me feel deserving of living this life; that could fill in all the empty niches inside. It was something that gave me the strength to live my life to the fullest and learn to better appreciate the subtle joys in everyday struggles, whatever they may be. It took pain away, or in the very least alleviated it, and replaced it with a kind of euphoria you don't find anywhere else. It gave me a sense of security, knowing that somebody cared, that there was always someone to look to, to lean on.
You might not know it, but men need assurance just as much as women do. In fact, in this context, men could very well be the 'weaker sex' as compared to women. You have no idea how weak we can become when under this influence. We submit to manipulation, we succumb to the stomach churning sensations that keep haunting us every waking moment, we become, in a way, blind. We try so hard to be nice, just to see the happiness in their eyes. Sometimes too hard. And every single time, we believe it's worth it. We revel in the very belief that every sacrifice we make just to please them is as honourable as it is the right thing to do. It's a conviction we will never cease to have. It could be our strength as much as it could become our own downfall.
Most importantly though...in it we can find our strength. It would become, irrevocably, our fortification. It accentuates our confidence, and implants in us emotions all human beings are born to feel, but never had since birth.
It isn't uncommon to have a man say this to a woman :
You complete me.
Yes...they do.
And so I came to believe that for all of my life I had lived has but half a person, struggling unknowingly against time and environment, under a myriad circumstances, the shades of each differing immeasurably. Half a person, until I found something to complete me, to make me feel alive, to give me the strength to fight all battles. And that completion was bliss. It was an overwhelming inflow of unconditional serenity and security. It gave me hope; something I don't find easily, simply because I learned that hope is what makes us vulnerable. But I didn't mind hoping in this case. It's never a crime to dream...it only comes back to haunt you as a frightening nightmare when hope starts to backfire.
And so I was complete...albeit for a while. I can now say that I've been able to experience that feeling; another 'what if' in life answered, though perhaps only partially. It's funny how I remember the words I heard that night. It's not exact, though. I do have a fuzzy memory.
"I'm glad we got the answers to the questions we had, and if this doesn't work out, then I guess it's all I'm going to get."
Sounds...superficial, but understandable if you don't feel comfortable placing ownership on something you're not entirely confident of being able to keep.
The thing is...
That wasn't everything I was prepared to give.
It was...just the beginning.
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