Everytime I try to sleep with music on I get awakened by a myriad emotions. I tried to take a nap today while listening to some songs on my psp, and every time I closed my eyes to the darkness I felt as if I was watching a movie; scenes from so many memories played one after another, vivid, expressive and fluid as if I'd been watching it straight off the silver screen.
Past the music blasting in my ears, I could hear voices, a calm breeze. I felt the chill of the late night wind, and other things too. Never have these visions been so real to me before. I feel kind of displaced from reality.
It was the same thing on the way home. I couldn't force myself to close my eyes because seconds later I'd snap wide awake, as if to escape the visions. I think there was this malay girl sitting across from me, she kept looking at me with an ever so subtle glint of curiosity in her eyes. Probably never seen a serious face on a bus before. haha. I was mainly pissed because I couldn't sleep.
I wanted to go for a run today; but by the time I'd reached home it was already 7:30. I'm not keen on running in the dark, and if I have to run, it would be to bedok again, not around some estate nearby although that works too, technically. Looks like I'll have to wait till Saturday or Sunday. Still haven't been able to find the strength to run back. The pain's gone, though. I'm going to see if I can reach PY within about 45 minutes instead of the usual hour. Need to pick up the pace if I'm going to even hope to clock under 9:45 for IPPT.
Feel damn tired today. Probably because it's nearing the end of the week. Sigh, I used to be so chock full of energy. haha.
Anyway, I think I know why I've had this identity crisis problem (I think I'm over it. Not really sure, though.). You can call me a loser for believing, but I got my answer out of The Rules of Love.
It mentioned the danger of dependency; while a relationship is supposed to breed independence since partners are supposed to help each other become strong and confident, sometimes dependence is bred instead. As a result they cease to exist as two separate people and rather become a hybrid of either person; one being with individual personalities intertwined in such a way that when one leaves or disappears, the other becomes incomplete, and his or her identity is lost. Well, at least that's what the book said. So it's important to remain as a unique person even when it may seem as though you two have a lot in common, so much so that you inadvertently fuse into a culmination of both people.
My mistake.
I wonder who else had fallen into this temporary deathtrap.
On a lighter note (though slightly more morbid), I've been having fun blowing the limbs off Nazi and Japanese soldiers with grenades and heavy machineguns. Not to mention blowing up flamethrower wielders by shooting the tanks. Watching them explode into a flurry of red chunks is always interesting. haha.
Past the music blasting in my ears, I could hear voices, a calm breeze. I felt the chill of the late night wind, and other things too. Never have these visions been so real to me before. I feel kind of displaced from reality.
It was the same thing on the way home. I couldn't force myself to close my eyes because seconds later I'd snap wide awake, as if to escape the visions. I think there was this malay girl sitting across from me, she kept looking at me with an ever so subtle glint of curiosity in her eyes. Probably never seen a serious face on a bus before. haha. I was mainly pissed because I couldn't sleep.
I wanted to go for a run today; but by the time I'd reached home it was already 7:30. I'm not keen on running in the dark, and if I have to run, it would be to bedok again, not around some estate nearby although that works too, technically. Looks like I'll have to wait till Saturday or Sunday. Still haven't been able to find the strength to run back. The pain's gone, though. I'm going to see if I can reach PY within about 45 minutes instead of the usual hour. Need to pick up the pace if I'm going to even hope to clock under 9:45 for IPPT.
Feel damn tired today. Probably because it's nearing the end of the week. Sigh, I used to be so chock full of energy. haha.
Anyway, I think I know why I've had this identity crisis problem (I think I'm over it. Not really sure, though.). You can call me a loser for believing, but I got my answer out of The Rules of Love.
It mentioned the danger of dependency; while a relationship is supposed to breed independence since partners are supposed to help each other become strong and confident, sometimes dependence is bred instead. As a result they cease to exist as two separate people and rather become a hybrid of either person; one being with individual personalities intertwined in such a way that when one leaves or disappears, the other becomes incomplete, and his or her identity is lost. Well, at least that's what the book said. So it's important to remain as a unique person even when it may seem as though you two have a lot in common, so much so that you inadvertently fuse into a culmination of both people.
My mistake.
I wonder who else had fallen into this temporary deathtrap.
On a lighter note (though slightly more morbid), I've been having fun blowing the limbs off Nazi and Japanese soldiers with grenades and heavy machineguns. Not to mention blowing up flamethrower wielders by shooting the tanks. Watching them explode into a flurry of red chunks is always interesting. haha.
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