I can't find a better way to seek solace for this aching heart, than to have my words published here, hopefully for her to see as well.

It's been the second time this week where I've quarrelled with dear...and it really hurts me so much when she refuses to talk about it to sort things out. I admit that a large fault of both incidents was attributed to me...I really am very sorry about whatever happened...but all I need her to do now is talk to me.

She's probably enjoying the soccer match at the national stadium now. I wonder if she'd spared some thought for what happened just now. I guess not everyone can concentrate on two things at the same time, and moreover, I'd rather her be happy cheering than isolating herself, delving into things that makes her feel worse about everything.

If there were other ways to say sorry, I'd do it, but all I can do now is say it...

I know sometimes you think I don't want to...but I really do.
I miss you so much in times where you'd think I wouldn't.
The pain I've caused you is as unbearable as it is unforgivable..
Alas, no words can set your heart at ease.
I have become so indifferent, so unfeeling.
But you're always there for me, to spur me on.
With restrained tears I lay this down.
I just wish you'd talk to me..
I know I've done wrong and I'm willing to repent,
Though sometimes repentance is futile.

Sometimes I get caught up in my games so much so that I can actually sound as if I'm uninterested with her over the phone...I shan't give any excuse for that. Not my lack of ability to multitask; not my confusion of thoughts...

Deep down I really want to talk to her, to know more about her day, just to see if she's doing fine in school, at home, anywhere.

I just wish I could be more sensitive to her thoughts and feelings and care less about myself, the self centered-ness that makes me such a jerk at times.

I'm prepared to admit whatever wrongs I have done...but whether she accepts my apologies or not is something to wonder. I cannot bring myself to hurt her anymore...

She loves me so much and all I do is break her heart....into a million pieces everytime. And when time allows for those pieces to fuse back together, I just do it all over again.

It's not the initial stages of this relationship anymore; and all I want for her is for her to be happy and not tied down by whatever negative things I impose on her so inconsiderately...

But again, all I can say is sorry...

I'm sorry...I really am.

i love you..please forgive me..