It's October already? Time seems to pass by so slowly doing my daily routines, yet the days still pass by almost imperceptibly...not unlike the fleeting, fickle coming and going of a butterfly.

In less than a month Central Band will leave for China. I found that I'm unable to look at them while they practice their display every morning. With every innocent glance I find myself inadvertently boiling more and more inside.

What is this injustice I feel? I believe I deserve to go with them just as much, if not more so, than some of those who are going. This applies to those unfortunate souls who, like me, were excluded from the manifest.

I'm not saying that I'm good, or better than those who are going. I'm saying that this kind of thing is so natural for me that I'm more than willing to put in my 200% to contribute to its success. Can I say the same about all of those who are going? Of that, I'm unsure. Don't get me wrong, though. There are people whom I feel have earned every right to have been given the chance to go.

Have I not worked hard enough these 15 months that I can't even claim this opportunity as pension for my dedication? Has my pride and sense of purpose in being here gone to waste?

Everyday I try to push aside this bitterness, to suck it up and be professional. Call it my misfortune. Karma. Whatever. And everyday I find myself hating this predicament ever more so.

I am waiting for the day I can finally lay these feelings to rest, because I really do want to. It's shameful to be moping like this, but yet one can't help but do so sometimes.

I shall await that day.