argh, I feel as though I am being taken over by some unseen force...just that now I have quite some idea of what that force would be. While my soul remains uneasy, I can only dream of having some relief granted to me. But then again, whatever relief I always find...always come in the form of dreams. Short lived relief, I should say, because I tend to feel worse in the morning =) ah well, as I always say, sometimes things just don't go the way you wish it to, and most of all, most things don't happen to your liking. Most other times you just don't expect things to happen as they do. Take this for example. I would never have dreamed of Steve Irwin dying, much less being killed doing something he loved so much.

Well, life's a bitch, and the Grim Reaper's fingers are almost always itchy for a quick pick. How fragile life can be...it seems everyday, you take risks. Even the normal, everyday things are risks. Crossing the road despite the risk of being run over. Eating despite the risk of choking. Standing under a running fan despite the risk of the fan dropping from the ceiling and eventually decapitating, if not dismembering you. All these things just cannot be avoided...what you do everyday is almost inevitable. We might as well be in some kind of floating capsule surrounded by bullet proof glass and wearing a diamond coated vest...flying around like some alienated human...yes...there's no escaping the rules of life, no matter how much you try. So why not treasure life as it is now?

Ahhh, life sucks, some of you guys say, but almost always, it isn't as bad as it seems to you, now doesn't it? what about that boy starving to the bones in Africa while you study, frustrated, tired of studying life. He wants to study more than you do, but the first things he needs are food and water! As the less fortunate struggle in their fight for survival, we take life for granted. Not that I don't. But then, doens't hurt anyone for me to preach a little, now does it?

I do not pray, I do not openly practice my belief and religion, but I do believe there is one God ruling high above us, watching everyone of us like a security guard of some sort with billions of eyes and CCTV cameras (okay that was lame.) ...and somehow, He could be able to control some of us if He had felt the need to. One thing I don't believe in is fate...how God has our lives all drawn up in some kind of blueprint...a schedule lasting decades on end, but then again, our life is limited to how much he sees as suitable. I don't believe in that. He made us, and now it's our turn to make it into what we want it to be...There may be divine intervention in any part of our lives, but in the end, how we mould and shape our lives, to me, is all up to the individual.

Now then, how the hell did I start talking about life...from the problems I face today? As to that, I don't really know right about now. Perhaps...I'd understand somewhere in the near future, when my soul has been cleansed and when my mind is in the right state to think rationally and critically of things.

Speaking of my mind...studying has been becoming a difficulty for me since I always lack the concentration and conviction I need to study. Don't talk about distractions, because when I study, I tend to block out anything and everything around me, save the occasional verbal call from mum or grandma. It just seems as though nothing seems to register this time. I gotta patch this up before it's too late. Exams are starting on the 29th of september...well, 20th, but that's chinese, and I don't study shit for chinese. Econs is on the 29th...and I haven't started studying. Instead I've been focusing on math and chemistry...I think physics would come last. I do resent that subject...now that I've been learning all the nitty gritty not-important-to-me-in-life stuff in JC...irks me everytime i realize that I need to study physics for the exams...but what is there to do anyway...there's no escaping the fact that i'm in jc...a so called expressway to university...and all I can do now is do my best, and produce eye candy on my A level cert for all to see.

Right now my goal is to get all B's for my promos...doesn't sound like much of a noble conviction, is it? I know poly people are all aiming for A's an distinctions and stuff like that...but I pretty much don't care. I'll work my way up...slowly. And the reward for achieving that goal? well, if I do make the mark, pay a visit to my home and I'll show you. Wouldn't interest many of you, though. Most probably I'm the only one out of the few who really understands what I am prepared to undertake...along with 1,500 dollars.

Some Acer engineer came to my house to check out what was wrong with my computer...apparently it had been shutting down randomly when I used it. I opened the side panel to see what was wrong, and I got a real surprise when I touched the CPU heatsink (i think i only know what that is, for now) ... it felt like you could fry a damn egg one it...if it was any bigger, cooking an omelette wouldn't be much of a problem either. I then remembered that most motherboards have a function that causes the PC to shut down when the CPU exceeds a stated temperature, for safety reasons. Better to have erratic performance than to have your CPU fried, trust me. Well, the engineer came and fixed the problem : faulty fans. now the new fans are roaring like fucking rockets inside the casing...now I understand why pc geeks stress the need for low noise cooling fans -.-

well woke up early to go spf for mdm ho's class today. and farzana was amazingly high...must be one of those badly timed swings. fortunately purdee was around to keep her on her leash. or was it the other way around? I wonder how chen pei and purdee stand her wild behaviour...

Haven't taken my dinner...........no mood?