hm.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Let's see, I was SUPPOSED to go for a run with cy this morning, but I woke up at 8:30 feeling so tired I decided not to. He'd only settle for a boring route anyway. Around our estate. How exciting. I'd intended to go to east coast. I don't know if I'd still be able to last that long now anyway.

Spent the entire afternoon at wei lung's place playing rockband on his PS3. Damn it was hella fun. I need to get me one of those things. Thing is, even if I could save enough for the PS3, I'm still short of a HDTV. Maybe I could connect it to my desktop LCD...hmmm.

Serangoon sure is a....strange place, for lack of a better word. Pretty girls, yes, though the majority of them would most likely have been still in class considering the time. The heartland mall at Kovan MRT was a hodge podge of ill-fitting shops. An insignificant piece from every department you could think of, and it was still missing an arcade and movie theater. Everything except the mall essentials. Perfect. I couldn't help but feel entirely out of place. Comfort zone lies in the East, sorry.

Found piece of pork in my hokkien mee during lunch at the nearby hawker centre. "ooops" was all I could manage, before sheepishly putting whatever other pieces I could find and finishing the rest.

Felt a bit weird on the way home. I'd taken Eclipse out of my bag and started reading from where I'd left off, and I think I noticed a few more-than-casual glances from a few girls in the immediate area on the bus. What, a guy can't appreciate a vampire-werewolf infested romance novel which goes on and on about the perfection of the one they call Edward Cullen? Wait, that sounds wrong already. Maybe the social stigma is no, a guy can't.

It's a little difficult to let go of hope, even if it might just be residual, when you're so used to clinging unto hope all your life, isn't it? I don't really like the idea of hope. Especially when it gets yanked out from under you. Hoping is like flying on a magic carpet, seeing the world through the beauty of its wonders alone. Take away the carpet...and you crash, but before going into a death spiral. And then what's left is the faint stench of crushed, splintered bone and contorted flesh. Revel in the death of your dream, then. It's too late to regret.

"But I couldn't have known..."

"Yes, you couldn't have known. So why did you hope in favour of success?"

"I thought..."

"You thought hoping would make you feel better about something that could, as much as turn out good, end up a smoking ruin. You believed that hope kept you alive and was the only thing that could make you stronger when everything else couldn't. I guess the one thing you didn't think about was what would happen when you found out that the hope was false to begin with."

Hope is what keeps people alive...it's just that, how can something so essential to the psychological strength and spirituality of humankind be, at times, so unmercifully devastating?

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