I'm home...halfday today because sports day was held in the morning. Ran in the 10 x 1km relay, though Central Band managed to come in only last. I was the last runner, which made me the last runner of all, quite literally. Felt like I was pushing the whole world with every stride in the last few hundred metres. At least I managed to finish with some dignity. Don't know how long I took, though.

Spent the next three hours sleeping off a heavy dizzy spell that took over when I stopped running. Couldn't participate in the games, though I heard they were pretty fun. I can't appreciate something when the whole world is spinning in circles anyway. haha.

Wanna share something I'd read in my book. It's a conversation between a small mission pastor and a nobel laureate scientist, apparently the smartest man on Earth. Fictional, of course. Don't mean any malice, by the way.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"To what denomination do you belong?"

"We're unaffiliated. Evangelical."

"But you are - what? Protestant? Catholic? Mormon?"

"None of the above. We're born again, fundamentalist Christians."

"What does that mean?"

"That we've accepted Jesus Christ into our hearts as our Lord and Savior, and we've been born again through water and spirit, the only true way to salvation.We believe every word of the Scriptures is the divine, unerring word of God."

"So you think that Protestants and Catholics aren't real Christians and God will send them to hell - am I correct?"

"If they haven't been born again - then, yes."

"Jews? Muslims? Buddhists? Hindus? The uncertain, the seekers, the lost? All damned?"

"Yes."

"So most people on this little mud ball out here in the outer arm of a minor galaxy are going to hell - except for you and a select few like-minded individuals?"

"You have to understand-"

"That's why I'm asking you these questions, Russ (the pastor) - to understand. I repeat: Do you believe that God will send most people on Earth to hell?"

"Yes, I do."

"Do you know this for a fact?"

"Yes. The Scriptures repeatedly confirm it. 'He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved. He that believed not shall be damned'"

Hazelius (scientist) turned to the group. "Ladies and gentlemen: I present to you an insect - no, a bacterium - who presumes to know the mind of God."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can you say ownage?

Speaking of religion, more Christian books along with a study bible have appeared in my mum's room. So she's serious about this. Talk about diversity. Now we've got a Japanese Buddhist, a Muslim (albeit so liberal I don't seem so), and soon, a Christian in the house. Harmony, harmony, harmony. This might get interesting.

So. I think I'm out of the identity crisis and I feel this personality, if changed, works for me in a way. Or in ways I have yet to learn to appreciate. I can laugh like a maniac again and feel the ache in my gut and cheeks, I can smile to feel good, although I don't think I'm as retarded as I'd used to be. haha.

Maybe it's best that I keep my focus on the front and sides and stop glancing ever so often into my rear view mirror. Everytime I do, I see the same euphoric nightmare that carries both the light heartedness of a string quartet in the clouds and the sick morbidity of a bloody massacre. It seems minding my own business and keeping my attention off a thing or two helps me move a little bit forward all the time, though it does feel a bit like petty ignorance and escapism.

I still have this feeling in my gut and heart because there isn't a day where I don't spend a little time to think...and everytime I do, I regret it. To poke repeatedly at your soul to invoke unnecessary emotion is psychological suicide.

I need to run this off.