I feel
This overwhelming sense of anguish
Sorrow and apprehension
Is this liberation
or is this revelation?
Is it regret?
Deluded and confused
Trapped and obscured

My heart and soul
Drawn and quartered
Shot to pieces
Process repeated

My mind aches to comprehend
What's best and what's right
Whispers in the night
They haunt me

I cannot lie
I want to cry
I need to live, yet,
I want to die

Looking into your eyes
I am lost
and instead find myself
In an endless void
Silence seems desirable
But the feeling is terrible
For words cannot speak
What I feel

Who have I become
What have I done
Just take a gun
and shoot me
It'll feel better
Ridding this world
of a monster like me

Do I deserve
What you offer
What you give
For me, you live
This wretched life
Your dreams, I fear
I cannot give

You're naive
You're mature
What difference does it make
When what I've done
Is not your fault

Will I ever understand
This gift I tossed aside
And let die
Why?
Let live
I have only myself to blame

Wallow in my shame
It's what I deserve
For giving this life
and bringing it death
One last breath
Whose is it to take?

Will it be the last time
or the first time
What does it take to try?
Faith? Humility? Submission?

Paths to take
Choices to make
All to decide
Where will I go
I can't just sit here and die

Losing something
or losing nothing
It's a difficult choice to make
A risk to take
Is it worth it?

Who am I worthy of
What makes me think
I'm made for anyone
That I deserve
Anyone's love
This shadow inside me
This heartless, merciless abomination
Is it human?
Or just me?

All this time I thought
I would make it through
and now I'm stuck in a corner
Which way to go?
One or another
Pain is sure to follow
It hunts, it stalks
It hurts, it manipulates
It destroys
Pandemonium, it enjoys

And here I am
lost
cold...so cold
No shoulder can support me
For I am not worthy
The tears have dried, I've no more
No soul can warm mine
I don't deserve anyone's kind
Is my only salvation
Divine?

My body is weak
and I ache so very deeply inside
To see
What I've become
What I am becoming
What I've let go
What I've let slide
Am I really doing
What's right?

Should it really have ended tonight?