I quit my Call of Duty 2 game just now after about half an hour of playing...it all just seems to be getting to me, suddenly. At one point everything just started to slow down and I had this really really bad feeling inside, like I was in a bad dream, or something like that. Everything revolving around me, "German Infrantry!" "Kill those Fascists!" "Give me some cover I need to reload!" and those pixelized comrades getting shot and blown up. I never knew that after all these years of being desensitized to killing these fictitious enemies, my heart would finally give out today. I just wanted to stop everything, stop the killing, stop seeing the dying, all the bullets whizzing past. When I first felt like this I thought ah, it was nothing. But with every bullet fired every head hit scored, every german I blew up with a grenade, perforated with MG42s, hearing the dying moments, stopping at a squirming body to shoot him and make sure he's dead before he pulls out his Luger to shoot me; the screams of pain and death.

It's just a game, but it's damn hell getting to me. War is a terrible thing, and I feel ashamed to have been part of one, whether real of fictitious.