I went to bed with a heavy heart last night, but surprisingly I was appreciatively granted slumber...and the next thing I knew it was morning already. I had band today, and contrary to how I portray it most of the time, I actually had fun. I did always have fun everytime I went for band. I just didn't want to admit it. Yet again, selfishness for personal benefit. That fact had been drifting about in my mind for quite some time, and though I wish it to leave me, I seem to have some form of attraction to it, because within it, I believe, lies the key to a better future. One in which I'd become a better person than I am now.

Looking back at how I was last time, despite the care and concern shown by friends, I take it now all as pity. The way I acted, how I extracted benefit for myself, and refused to compromise accompanied by a speck of sacrifice...I can only say one thing.

"To keep me is no benefit. To kill me is no loss."

I can only wonder now why I was appreciated by anyone. Did I appreciate them just as much?

And I still live...in search...

for myself.

To reach in, and grab my soul by the neck.

Deliver me...please.